When I was fourteen years old, I acknowledged to myself that I liked the Ladies. The word ‘lesbian’ was not in my dictionary at the time, but I knew I was different and I took a lot of pain to hide this difference. This involved being with boys, talking about boys and even making out with boys! The last part I managed by pretending I was drinking milk…I held my nose and gulped it down. It took me another twelve years to come out to the world, which I did with maximum fanfare and minimum backlash. And I stupidly thought that the difficult part was over.
I had a few relationships between fourteen and coming out which led me to believe that I was a charming, attractive being that straight women just could not resist. Boy…was I in for a surprise. I went from the closet straight into the welcoming arms of the community and found a few women there who I liked and who liked me back. Then the community well dried up. Any new person who wandered into the community was lapped up before I could even exclaim, “Holy New Chick Batman!!” Anonymity was a thing of the past. The minute I introduced myself to someone…connections were being made in the head. “Oh…this is the one…who was seeing that girl…who is now seeing that woman…but was in a relationship with a man for a while…and was dumped by this other woman…and so on and so forth!” It is very disillusioning to realise that others know more about your relationships than you do. My confidence level was reaching negative numbers and therefore I decided to heed a friend’s advice and try online dating. Of course, this was way before TV9’s unethical and insensitive portrayal of gay online dating and relationships.
So I dipped my toe into the mythical pool and searched its depths for the loves and lusts of my life. I did my due diligence and conducted extensive research on several viable sites and finally narrowed it down to three; Radar, BlueCouch and Sock. I then registered myself on these three sites and that itself took about a month. Let’s start with the user name! You have to think of something original, sexy, smart, appropriate and revealing of your inner character and personality, only to find out that the name has already been taken by someone else. By a process of elimination and despair, you finally manage something like…Sexy_Beast123. Then you need to determine the purpose of your visit…chats, casual encounters, serious relationships, sex with other couples etc. I ticked all the boxes to cover every eventuality. Another few days went by in trying to describe myself. I looked at other profiles for inspiration and came across, “Saxy girl from Metro city…wanting to make franship with new peoples….for sax and things…outgoing persnlty!” Sigh! I bumbled on.
I moved on to categorize my smoking, drinking and eating habits, my hobbies, my quirks (of which I have many), lack of interest in exercise, put a label on my identity and physical endowments (I may have exaggerated a bit here). Finally I was ready to be smiled at and messaged by strangers. Brief recaps of conversations I have had with some fabulous people include:
X: A/S/L please?
Me: Ummm…what?
Long Pause
Me: Sorry…I don’t know what that means!
X: Age Sex Location.
Really??? Log out!
NEXT!
Machoman: Butch or Femme???
Me: Butch
MM: okaythenbye!
I have learned now to keep that mystery going on for longer. NEXT!
ArticulateFox: Wht up?
Me: Not much! What’s happening at your end? What do you do?
AF: m wkg @ ops n ban. u?
I got the ‘u’ part and launched into a long explanation describing my work. AF logged out by the time I was done. NEXT!
SilkySmita: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
Me: Hey! How are you?
SS: Wanna meet me for some hawt sex?????????
Grrrr! Straight man. NEXT!
Reasonable_Girl: Hi! Do you like poetry?
Me: Not really. Am more of a prose kinda girl!
RG: What? How can you express yourself properly if you don’t read or write poetry? I love Sylvia Plath? Do you? If you haven’t…you should. I sit in a dark room and write lots of poetry. I don’t even eat food until I finish one poem a day…
ME: Wow…
Angry/Suicidal wannabe poet! NEXT!
Titanic4evr: What kinda movies do you like?
Me: Horror, Suspense, Satire…
T4E: Oh…that soooo depressing ya! Try watching movies like All about love, Boy meets Girl, Imagine me and You, New York I Love you…
Me: Will do. Bye!
Not a fan of romantic comedies. NEXT!
This fascinating dialogue between me and complete strangers culminated in the next adventure. MEETING. My friends advised me to meet the blind date in a public space, at a party, coffee shops, pubs, in casual attire, in formal attire, with a different number, with five different names and various such illuminating rubbish. I have followed all the above at some point or the other and have met many wonderful and not so wonderful people through the virtual network. I gave up one fine day when the following conversation took place.
ME: Hey there GrandFinale69!
GrandFinale69: Hi. Your nick sounds familiar. Do you know Threesome23, Black_ninja, Traumatised51Kitty or Chocodelite?
I signed out with my tail tucked between my legs. Back to the drawing board. Sigh
Alice’s chart does exist, doesn’t it? Sigh. You look at a cute girl and before you can do a double take, she’s eliminated as an option. What do we do? What.do.we.do?
What? The “Chart” exists? The innocent, sexually restrained desi mind actually conceived one? I thought that was stuff of American TV. 🙂
Wait it can’t be… or can it?
I didn’t mean literally. 😀 Just that everyone knows everyone else and like Alice says, you can link one lezzie to another in prolly just six moves (or even lesser, considering our miserably limited dating pool). But there is a website based on the chart. Does that qualify? 😀
The innocent, sexually restrained desi mind!!! really??? 🙂
If the real world and virtual world are out…then I am going to echo Lady Jughead…what do we do…what do we do? 🙂
What? That’s a myth too? You are telling me that all those suckers who bought into the stuff of ” Dil To Pagal Hai” – ‘someone somewhere was made for you’ and all that stuff of legend, actually expanded their sexual conquests. Hard to believe 😉 ( Sarcastic grin)
@Lady Jughead: Whoa! There is a desi chart ? If yes, who might I ask is in possession of such vital information. Or were you just talking about Alice’s fictitious chart on a website?
@Queerly Yours when you find a solution, let me know.
@P13 Of course it’s a myth! I’m desi and I hardly qualify as innocent. Sexually restrained, yes. But that’s cuz of the unavailability of those who want to be sexually unrestrained. Which kind of brings us back to square one. 😀
Also, here – http://www.ourchart.com. The makers of the show took Alice’s chart into the real world. As for desi charts, just ask someone who’s been on the scene long enough. Like traditional knowledge in our country, this vital information is handed down verbally. 😀
Great post Queerly Yours! Enjoyed reading this 🙂
Thank you Zunket 🙂
FREAKED out!
was grinning thruout!
sincerely yours
ccuteheart
Thanks ccuteheart 🙂
*Giggles hysterically* … Bwahahahahahahaha… ps: I was Silk Smita. If only you’d stuck around to talk a bit more…*wiggles eyebrows* 😀
QC…you’re a straight man eh? Why am I not surprised 🙂
Glad that you liked the post!
Queerly yours… you wrote exactly what was on my mind – i was about to spew all that, when I found the girl i was looking for and just like that, forgot all about venting. Now the girl is gone, and I was about to dive into that ridiculous, depressing but entertaining world once more, until i happened to read your piece and have instantly lost all interest… sigh… the cat is all there is!
Great perspectives. So you are basically saying all social medium are off limits and useless? More like trying those would be like DoA.
Nice post!
Thanks Rashmi but please take my ranting with a pinch of salt. Fiction is always a little mix of experience, imagination and exaggeration 🙂
WOW…I thought its only me who encounter weirdos online…but still have some hope to find the right one soon lol
Nice….Loved the 1st conversation… X: A/S/L please? …Cute.
Thanks RL 🙂
@Queerly : That was funny! Loved it!
If it helps, the conversations you had are 1000 times better than the conversations that happen in networking sites for Gay men 🙂
Thanks Shri!
That does help 🙂
Newbie here. Great post! But pls educate the uneducated – how do cute girls meet other cute girls in India if not online?? Everyone seems to be so closeted – hardly any girls come to parties – the ones you like are either already taken or highly closeted / confused about who they are. So where are the hot ladies who have taken the time to understand themselves and how / where does one find them in India? Why don’t we start a thread here on how you met your partner / ex…thanks.
Hi L. I agree with you…which is why I felt the need to rant and rave about it in my post 🙂 But don’t lose hope and you are more than welcome to start a thread on ‘how you met your partner/ex’ and maybe people will have more suggestions on how to solve this problem.
Cheers!