In all the discourse around colorism, it always comes up that South Asian heterosexual men and South Asian heterosexual women find each other less attractive or worthy of a relationship and marriage the darker their skin. This sometimes leads to the conversation of South Asian heterosexual men having a preference for White women (remember “Rock n Roll Soniye“?). My question is, of course, where do queer people fall into all of this? While my discussion of the exoticism of South Asian queer women focused of White queer women’s treatment of South Asian queer women, my intent here is to highlight dynamics that play within the South Asian community.
The South Asian queer women in my life are not as degrading towards other South Asian women regarding skin tone. However, I feel that my experience may not necessarily be representative given the fact that I move in primarily accepting and feminist-leaning circles. It may be unrealistic for women who have often been raised to be dissatisfied with their own skin color being or becoming dark (in the summer) to embrace and celebrate other dark-skinned South Asian women.
Due to colorism, dark-skinned heterosexual women often feel insecure about themselves when it comes to dating. It undoubtedly affects South Asian heterosexual men, but from what I’ve seen and read it seems to have an especially large impact on the women. I’ve never dated a South Asian woman (yet! …yet!) so I can’t judge from any experience, but one theory is that this tension and insecurity might lessen in queer relationships between South Asian women. In theory, two women who have experienced or witnessed colorism as an attack largely on South Asian women may be less likely to perpetuate it against each other. However, we all know that women hurt other women the way we’ve seen men hurt us. When we get so used to hearing that our kali skin is bad, or our fair skin is good, the brainwashing can impact future relationships with women, platonic and non-platonic.
Often times the misogyny and sexism thrown at us by the racist media and companies ends up arming us to hurt other women even more brutally. This concept is applicable to colorism in women’s queer relationships. Two South Asian women in a relationship may have more pent-up negative energy and internalized racism and colorism than a man who hasn’t usually been a victim to that extent. Hm?
However, I also want to introduce South Asian queer men into this discussion. I don’t tend to write about queer men because my knowledge is lacking but I’m going to try to. Since heterosexual men supposedly have a big part in perpetuating colorism against women, I wonder if and how South Asian men perpetuate it against each other in queer relationships. I assume that the majority of these queer men were raised by or around heterosexual people and men. On one hand, South Asian men are also subject to society’s colorism (evidence: Fair & Handsome ad). On the other hand, they aid society in emotionally holding down dark-skinned women. These two things can arm men negatively in relationships with each other because they not only have resentment but they also have a certain amount of power. I also wonder if, in regards to colorism, South Asian queer men are known to flat-out have a preference for white men the way that South Asian hetrosexual men, and men of color in general, are sometimes known to have that preference for white women.
I wanted to end on a happy note, and whenever I want to celebrate being beautiful, appreciated South Asians I listen to this song […where Priyanka Chopra could pass as a White girl if she were wearing jeans…]. Yeah, deep sigh.
Thanks for this post. It seems to me that, at least among non-politicised South Asian American gay men, the preference is not so much for a lighter-shade of brown but for someone whose whiteness (+class) gives him, the desi partner, a status upgrade. This ‘I only date white’, sometimes rephrased as ‘Sorry, I don’t find Indian/black/Latino men attractive’ is more likely to be found among those raised in small-town America where they were often the only brown kid in a sea of white. The dark-skinned boys, of course, have the curry queens to pick from. The other extreme of this phenomenon may be found on liberal college campuses on the east and west coasts, where politicised desi queer men only date other men of color, and automatically assume that EVERY brown guy dating a white one is a victim of internalized racism and playing out his role the sahib-chokra dynamic.
Interesting piece.
I think one of the reasons the “color syndrome” is not prevalent in homosexual women could be that gay women are anyway not looking through the society typical mirror. They are looking through a prism, where the other end does not come out in a bland black and white. If you know what I mean 😉
P.S. – Great headline!
I remember this was a big deal in India while growing up. Its news to me that it is rampant in the Indian Community here too. My extended family was very much fascinated with lighter skin. I remember my cousin brother getting married and all my aunts were gaga about how his wife looked like a North Indian(read as fair skin). Thinking back, it seems to me that they they could be suffering from low self-esteem and internalisation of the fair & lovely crap.
I think Indians in general are more racist, sexist and casteist. I avoid going to most Indian groceries and restaurants because it seems to me that these folks have still retained their colonial and feudal attitude. Their callousness annoys me and they make you feel like, by buying groceries from them, they are doing a favor to you. Another set of Indians are folks who have no boundaries and are absolutely shameless about asking personal details.
Thankfully, I see less of both these species here in SF.
btw, ms. lahiri, I was wondering why you were talking about kali mata and colorism? I thought it might be a kolkata thingy. It took me a while to get it 🙂
I think people say “kala” for black man and “kali” for woman and in Bangla it’s usually “kalo”…. I think. And yeah it is strange that they took the name of a Goddess and turned it into a derogatory remark.
what abt people who have a natural tendency of attractiveness to either fair or dark skin? Shldn’t that be the same as being attracted to tall/short, plus/thin sized people and so on. Sometimes, I think saying ‘almost always’ does not seem right.
My personal opinion is that you have to think of why you have that tendency… it may not always be bad or unjustified, but sometimes it can be ignorant, racist, colorist etc. We have to acknowledge the environment we are raised in instead of pretending we live in a vacuum.
I am dusky. But I’ve been attracted to lots of red and white and pale people! … strangely enough I aesthetically find dusky skin attractive…yet! the heart and libido want …what the heart and libido want 😀
My 6th sense reads: “I see brown people”
Been brown all my life. Never wanted to be ‘white’ or pale. In fact Europe made me adore my exotic complexion.
Suddenly, Brown = Power, as against an Indian subcontinent that adores ‘fair and handsome/lovely’.
Sri Lanka was the next step to finding Brown attractive. Almost everyone on Lanka’s hills or shores is brown, and they flaunt it with couleur and pride 🙂
Brown I am as a chocolate cake, inside out. Tasty, and full of happiness.
Cheers Lahiri-girl !