Since I have the perfect credentials and a clean heart to get away with it, my dear ladies, I present to you a handy list of lesbian guidelines. It’s an attempt at improving the basic nitty-gritty of your Queer life. Follow them and I assure you, you’ll find less trouble and more action.
- Necessity : For the sake of the poor soul next to you, please use a deodorant. One cannot place more importance on personal hygiene. Yes, body sweat has its attraction but it has its time and place. And no, Pepper spray doesn’t cut the bill.
- Get it Right : There is a huge difference between “I love you” & “I am in love with you”.
- Thought for Everyday : There’s plenty of Fish in the sea.
- Silent Rule : An ex is nothing but bad news, at least for the first 3 years after breaking up. After that, they are potential candidates.
- Tip Off : S-E-X is good. And with the help of our extended family a.k.a. Lubricants & Special Toys, the wOw effect is easily attainable. So stop being a rigid bitch and get with the act.
- Understand : Being obsessive/desperate isn’t exactly an attractive quality. It will take you no further than getting banned on various Social Networks and perhaps even, a visit to the nearest Police Station.
- Preachy : Always “Be yourself”. But wearing your Gay best friend’s khaki chaddi (shorts) to a date is taking it too far. We have dress codes for a reason.
- Exaggeration : Love, Relationships, Monogamy and such like.
- Meant To Be : Is not applicable just because she added you to her BBM (or WhatsApp) list.
- Not a Sin : Waxing/Shaving of bodily hair will do no harm to your feminist views.
- Fact : Open Relationship simply means “You can do me”.
- Off-Limit : Katrina Kaif. She’s mine!
Please feel free to agree. And when disagreeing, just remember I’m the boss here and have the authority to ban your IP address. Permanently*.
*Editor’s note: She’s kidding. (MJ, you don’t scare me!)