Long distance relationships are hard. People have told me that before. But fuck, I never knew how hard till a few months back. Great conversations and intellectual stimulation keep you going. But there’s only so far you can use those two to prod your relationship along. But what comes after you’ve pushed it as far as it can go? What next? How do you sustain it? This is exactly what I’m finding out every single day. And here are some epiphanies that can go a long way in bridging the gaps in long distance relationships.
1. All Talk, No Touch: Expect a lot of raging fights, impulsive break-ups, and emotional outbursts. They will always, always be there. So stock up on understanding and patience. Being in the same space makes a hell of a difference. And being able to read a person’s body language, a touch, a gesture or a hug counts for a lot. You don’t have all that. All you have is your voice and your words.
2. Raunchy, Raunchier, Raunchiest: Admit it, accept it. You need sex. You want sex. You like sex. Research has proven that no sex leads to frustration and to fights (You can’t make this shit up. Or maybe you can). So let go of your inhibitions, talk dirty and have lots of phone/skype/video sex. It helps, especially when you’ll actually be bonking only about once or twice a year. There’s nothing like a quickie on the phone at work. And let’s not forget the dirty pictures. Imagine getting one of those while you’re in a meeting. Rawr.
3. Here’s A Pin. Now Deflate That Ego: Angry silence and not wanting to take the first step to breaking the ice after a fight is fine when you’re in the same city or living together. You know that the person is around even if you’re being given the silent treatment. You’ll still be able to see them. But when you’re in two different cities or countries, all you have is cold silence. And if you know how shitty that feels, know that it probably feels as shitty to the other person. So next time you fight, make that call. It’s okay to.
4. For Fuck’s Sake, Don’t Doubt: Doubt sucks. Metaphorically and literally. Plain and simple. It will make you feel shitty, it will make her feel shitty and it will suck the life and joy out of your relationship. Nobody likes being interrogated suspiciously. So don’t, okay? Just don’t.
5. Telepathy Is Still A Developing Field: Last but not the least, communicate. Explain yourself so you avoid misunderstanding. Say I love you. Tell her how much you miss her. You don’t have the luxury of coming back home to each other. And if you’re in different time zones, your life just got a little more difficult. At least one of you will be sleeping over something the other said. So talk to each other. You can’t read her mind and neither can she. (If you can, then I have just one question for you: will you teach me?)
So there you go. My two bits for what it’s worth.
(P.S: Baby, are you reading this?)
LJ : Is baby in Gathom? *wink* *wink*
I could be totally wrong, but can’t help guessing.
:-/ I read that as Gotham and wondered why you’re bringing Batman up. Then I realized it’s Gathom and got even more confused because I have no idea what that is or where that is. So I’m guessing the answer to your question is no? :-/
Great Post, Lady J ! I empathise, relate, second and know what you mean by every single word. Sigh.
Thank you, QC. It’s hard, isn’t it?
oh hell……i have been there….it was very very difficult! and it doesnt help when people all around make a wry face when u mention LD relationship. I have come to the conclusion that living in with somebody u love is a must…otherwise..it remains all spacy..and out there somewhere……
am glad you wrote about it
🙂
True. I’ve had people going ‘Long distance? Really?’ when they got to know. All I can say is, you don’t really get to decide who you fall for. And yes, living in is a must.
Great post.
What do you think of the notion that some people’s relationships last longer only because they are in a long distance relationship. In other words, distance, can sometimes, make it hard to see the other person’s flaws clearly.
Actually, I think they last longer cuz you have more space than you would’ve had otherwise. And in my case, the distance showed me my flaws. And it’s made me into a better person. But then again, it could’ve been her who did that and not the distance. 🙂
For the masala, could you just share who that other person is? 🙂 How about we make a movie about this?
😀 You and your masala. Will ask her about the movie. 😛
Haha ! Point 2 and 3 made me feel nostalgic. Very well written 🙂
Thank you. 🙂
As a life long long distance player, all of this makes sense. Just hearing her voice on the phone at work world inspire such thoughts as I cannot type here – the wait only makes it sweeter…..
I love the “Telepathy Is Still A Developing Field” part – I’ve often felt at different times, in different time zones and with different people – as if I’m the only one thats communicating….I love words….and I like articulating what I feel….but its really important to also hear what the other person is saying….would be easier if one didn’t have to read minds! mis-understanding miss’s is a tad miss-able 😉
True. Saying what’s on your mind makes so much of a difference. But the thing is, it also leads to a lot of fights. Which get difficult to resolve cuz of the distance.
Hey J! whilst you have very rightly put forth all the relevant points pertaining to a long distance relationship and yes, it is hard. However, I think that it has its own romance involved. Yes, the lack of sex does frustrate you and yes the misunderstandings that come flying at you/her are countless but I think the make up to that has got its own charm. I do talk from experience and not just a couple of months but 6 years of long distance relationship 🙂 although the good thing was that she was in Mumbai and I am in delhi so we weren’t really in different continents/time zones etc.
But thanks, for sharing. I think we all need to know the nuances of a long distance relationships 🙂 a great read….
Hey Sonali! Glad you enjoyed it. I agree with you on whatever you’ve said…and the fact that you’ve been in a long distance relationship for 6 years makes me think anything is possible. So thank you. 🙂
haha I’m glad that you’ve found someone that makes you so happy 😀