“At any given moment, the brain has 14 billion neurons firing at a speed of 450 miles per hour. We don’t have control over most of them. When we get a chill…goose bumps. When we get excited…adrenaline. The body naturally follows its impulses, which I think is part of what makes it so hard for us to control ours. Of course, sometimes we have impulses we would rather not control, that we later wish we had…”(Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy)
I can’t think of better lines than these to describe my feelings currently. The realisation that my heart is operating on a totally different tangent from the rest of me and the self awareness that logic has completely abandoned my thought process, is a little disconcerting to say the least. To cut a long story short, I have developed this crussssh very recently – which in itself is okay (good even?). But unfortunately, this crush comes with its own set of complications as she happens to be one of the big bosses at work (also super hot, super senior and not to forget super straight as well, forgone conclusion huh!). This is bizarre as I do consider myself as someone not delusional (yes, don’t we all?). In my normal avatar I would never consider my infatuation as being remotely sane or rational.
Before I completely wreck myself and to help anyone who may find themselves in a similar predicament, here are some pointers on how to realise very quickly that you are headed for disaster-ville and check out with your dignity and job (hopefully) intact. As juvenile as this sounds, I am comforted by the fact that a similar incident recently occurred in the only K-serial I watch (no, it’s not a saas-bahu serial). So maybe, this is not that uncommon. Or heck, maybe it’s only me who goes through this as I do hold a special tag of being a crazy DRAMA QUEEN.
The funny thing is that the inception of an infatuation always begins rather innocuously. It’s not as if you were thinking about crushing on Madame X even once in the many years that you have been working together. You have a perfectly cordial, and happy work relationship with this person. All is well until one fine day, out of nowhere, realisation dawns and you see the early warning signs that you may just have a lil crush on that person. Soon enough, the crush unfortunately, morphs into massive infatuation, taking on a life of its own and despite wanting otherwise, you are unable to do anything to control or stop it. So, you definitely know you are in BIG TROUBLE when you:
· Get up bright and early, head to the gym at some god forsaken hour and can’t wait to get to work.
· Start noticing the teeniest tiniest things about them. Things that previously never occurred to you before, like how pretty they look (all the time). From the hair colour, to the eye liner, to the lipstick, to the makeup, to the smile, to their clothes – you begin to notice EVERY THING.
· Get giddy and fuzzy in the head every time they are around which impedes your ability to think straight (no pun intended, I mean this quite literally).
· Become besties with their personal assistant and the first-aid guy (for constant supplies of Disprin from all the head woozing).
· Spend the day smiling incessantly like a show monkey.
· Need to visit a doc to cure the constant neck ache from the innumerable times you turn to see whether they have entered your work area.
· Want to join the CID or become a private eye to get to know everything about them. From their likes to their dislikes, to any and every stoopid thing about them.
· Want to hang out with them more often yet are unable to make direct eye- contact.
· Constantly stare at your Blackberry to light up with their (work related) phone call or BBM or email.
· Wish for them to summon you to their office for work, at least five times a day.
· Plan out-of-office business meetings to spend more one-on-one time with them.
· Enter Madame X’s floor and even the receptionist smiles and tells you (without you asking) that X is in her cabin.
So that was my 12 sure shot signs on when you know you are headed the wrong way at work. While I spend my days hyperventilating over my crush and comfort myself by reading and memorizing clauses of the sexual harassment code in my office knowing that am safe, I wonder if any of you are faced with a similar predicament at present dear Gay-si’s? Feel free to let me know and add on.
From my personal experience, it could go either way.
But knowing what I know about you and the kind of (cautious) professional you are – this is a waste of time, more so if she identifies as straight.
Easier said than done, but you’re better off with a queer “sputnik sweetheart” -than a one sided office romance, that you can’t risk taking forward.
If you really really really have it bad, try this – come out to her. If she feels anything, she will make the first move. Or you have to let it go – and move on to the next SS! :). The sage has spoken!! 😉 All the best!!
Totally agree with your comments. The SS unfortunately happens to be a very Straight Sputnik Sweetheart….. so dead end ahead! But what makes u so sure that I haven’t told X abt my crush already; (
Acchha – then in that case you need to spill the beans. What did she say??
@zenawordwarrior: lol, she blew me a kiss on my BBM and vanished (on vacation).
@chicklet: yes am gonna add that to my performance appraisal 😉
My dear child, I meant you should have just “come out” to her as being gay. And left the rest to her. Not told her about your crush on her – that too on BBM…..hehe
Coming out as a gay person is normally enough for something to develop, if it has to…..Anyway, nice story! Keep Writing! By the grace of Murakami – may your next be a queer + available SS! 😉
Hilarious ! Workplace crushes are tricky practically, but in one’s head are terribly fun to break the monotony of a long day at the grinding stone. All I can say is Enjoy from afar 🙂
Yes true… Its fun as long as you keep it balanced in your head. Super glad u found the post funny 🙂
LOL. you are a hunter. and a love addict . keep tit flowing sweetie. If not anything – you will at least get an Above and Beyond Call of Duty award 😉
good luck!
*it .. ahem. sorry for they typo error.
hahahahahah. BEEN THERE !
Totally in love with my ex – boss. Check, check and double check on all 12 of your pointers !
but hey it’s been a while, i moved on to better things (workwise) and now we’re great friends.
But Oh ! to see her smile…. Sigh………….
always nice to have some(one) thing to look forward to when you head to work. go beat the office blues!
yes totally!!!
I think many of us can relate to this. I am going through this now! She’s is so straight though but so so pretty!! :/ Its fun at first, you look forward to going to office everyday but then it frustrates you that nothing can happen. Argh!
I went thru the same with a workplace crush some years back! It was gradual…slow…exactly as TTW’s experience. As in, we went from colleagues to friends…and then just – a little crush. LOLL
Whether it goes anywhere or not, sometimes its just nice to know – that you love somebody. My crush came from a place of deep friendship and emotional connection. Knew her for three years before, and nothing happened. Till one day, she touched my shoulder – and – jab roshni, seeta bajaj!!
So TTW and I have connected offline to exchange office crush stories. Lets form a group – “Groupies of Office Crush” – hehe.
“zena warrior”
@Shaz & All E- Hahaha.. totally agree with u guys! The sad part is that most of them are straight!! What are the odds of the hot boss being gay anyway 🙁
@ZEnawordwarrior: We should totally start that group 😉 And yes its nice to know that you love somebody. I think the realization of that (whether it materializes or not) is always sooo sweet. And sometimes maybe its just enough that they become close friends, if nothing more… On a separate note, at least now u know that the crush is a real sweetie and not just a BBM bunny;)
Hey TTW,
Your story is very nice….Even i had a story…at my office….but she is straight too…but atlast i have proposed her and she agreed….:)
Try and try from safe zone yaar….atlast this is our own life…we have right to express our feelings….
But, as you told she is Straight…do keep in mid that she’ll leave you one day….as my GF…let me… 🙁
All the best…