India is supposed to be my home. She’s supposed to be my haven. I love the food, the art, the music and even the ridiculous movies. But over the years and especially since I’ve been with The Girl, I’ve begun to cultivate this “I’m better than you are” attitude towards India.
I stopped following cricket matches – didn’t care if Pakistan beat India. I stopped reading Indian news unless something about India appeared on the BBC or NYTimes. I rolled my eyes, expected the absolute worst from her in every situation and I have usually been right. India never fails to meet my expectations that when there is a choice between right and wrong, she will unabashedly veer towards the wrong. On the rare occasion that she’s done the right thing, I’ve been pleasantly surprised, but cynically questioned the motives.
This hasn’t happened without introspection, by the way. I have asked myself why I have been so harsh towards India. Sure she has one of the WORST records in the world towards minority rights and women are basically equivalent to garbage there, but she has a lot of redeeming qualities too. The US and UK have pretty shitty histories, pretty poor human rights records – so why do I save my worst judgements towards India?
For a while now, I’ve theorized that the reason I am so anti-India, so quick to criticize her, distance myself from the shit-show that she is, is because I want to reject her, before she rejects me.
I break up with India, because otherwise she will break up with me. And where’s the self respect in that?
I am so glad that this has been my modus operandi all along, because with the 377 judgement, my prudence, my prejudice, my whipped up disgust for the country of my birth – have all proven to be a great shield from the sucker punch that the Supreme Court delivered to my gut.
I’m a criminal now? Fuck you, India! I don’t give a shit about what you think I am anyway.
My love is against Indian values? Fuck you AND your values that serve the best interests of the rich and the male folk.
My reaction to the news was mild surprise and disheartenment. But had I loved India, had I had crazy stupid faith that she would actually come through for her minorities and her vulnerable children, I would have been far more hurt by this shit.
So yeah, I am glad I’ve looked upon you with disdain, India. I am glad I have a count down app on my phone for when I can give up my fuck-all Indian passport for citizenship of a country that grants respect and dignity to her minorities – atleast on paper. Not to mention, the travel would be so much easier.
I am glad I had no intention of ever coming back to live there. I am glad I’ve argued with friends who defend India.
But the worst part of all of this is that sometimes I find myself wishing that I was a Straight, Rich, Upper caste, Hindu, Indian Man – so that I could spend some time in the glossy Instagram-filtered version of India that I am only allowed to look at from a distance and remember that I am not Rich enough, not Indian enough, not Hindu enough, not Man enough, not Straight enough to partake of.
this has to be one the most accurate yet disturbing posts ever. I can’t decide whether i want to laugh, cry, get angry or do all.
Heartbreaking, and I am scared that emigration is the only option that would be left for most of my fellow indian LGBTs. My heart goes out for those who donot have this option. sad times for gay rights. really sad.
RT @gaysifamily: Note from Gaysi Founder, straight from the heart! #IPC377 #NoGoingBack #India http://t.co/G9Ol3ZKaIg
Note from Gaysi Founder, straight from the heart! #IPC377 #NoGoingBack http://t.co/G9Ol3ZKaIg
Do you know what India’s greatest tragedy is? That persons who can think and express themselves the way you can have either left the country or talk about leaving the country each time there is a setback. You sit in London and talk about disconnecting yourself from India, but where does that leave millions of people from the LGBTQ community who do not have the same opportunities that you do? Do they all leave the country? By your own admission, the only news you hear about India is via NYT or BBC, which would naturally focus on only aspect of the whole issue. You see the regressive SC judgment and rightly feel disgusted and disappointed. But do you see the thousands of us who went on the streets to protest this judgment? Do you see that almost every single major news channel and newspaper has lambasted this judgment? Do you see that some of the country’s top politicians, cutting across party lines, have condemned the judgment? Do you see that almost the entire who’s who of India’s legal circles turned out to argue for decriminalization of homosexuality pro bono in the case and even as we speak they are devoting every single minute they’ve got to file a review petition to get this judgment overturned? Do you not see the hope? The issue with LGBTQ rights in India is hardly one of state repression (S.377 has never been used to book someone simply for being a homosexual), but of societal repression. And the tide is turning. Slowly but surely and in front of our eyes, the tide is turning. I understand your rage but all that anger is useless unless you are here, doing what thousands of people like you are doing, petitioning, lobbying, spreading awareness, voting and making this country better one step at a time, which, all said and done, is how any real change actually comes about.
I am “sitting in London” because my partner of 8 years is a white American woman who I cannot legally bring with me to India.
I am “sitting in London” because I vowed that I would no longer live my life in the closet, change pronouns when talking about my partner, lie about being in a relationship so I wouldn’t get fired, pretend my partner is my “room-mate”, not hold hands with her, not be able to add her to my health insurance policy… The list is long.
I have no intention of being a martyr & giving up this AMAZING life I’ve built here with my partner so I can live in a country where consensual relationships are illegal, but marital rape is fine. And if I’m absolutely honest, even if I was a straight woman, I wouldn’t want to live in a country where I am molested every time I step out of the house. Jingoism isn’t one of my strong suits.
Good on all those amazing people who are fighting this in the media, in the courts, on the streets. They are the ones I feel most betrayed & angry for.
Also, could you please not judge what I have and haven’t done for the cause? Because, quite frankly, you have no idea about my life & certainly shouldn’t base your opinions on one random post of mine that you’ve read. Maybe read a little bit about the history of this website before you cast your stones.
I apologize sincerely if I have offended or hurt you in anyway. That most certainly wasn’t my intention and neither was I casting any stones. The only thing that I wanted to point out was that there is still hope and people are more geared up about this than has ever been possible. And it becomes really frustrating for us here if the only news that goes out is negative news with not even a little nod to the people and events that show this hope and build on it. Once again, I apologize sincerely. I will never know what it is like to be in your position and to have gone through everything that you have and I never meant to undermine you. I am sorry.
SR – Sorry, I got so upset as well. I guess this issue is fraught with raw emotions and we both reacted in ways we normally wouldn’t have.
I apologise for my tone as well.
I shuddered when I read this. All that you have written is so true. But for some of us (or most of us, I don’t know) who don’t have another country to escape to, for those of us who are incarcerated here due to lack of funds or lack of direction – we need to find a way to survive in India.
I read the opinion page of the Hindu last week, approximately 60% of the opinions there were pro-decriminalisation of Section 377. We are supposedly a democratic but the top-notch bureaucrats seem to be making all the decisions regardless of what most of the citizens want.
I lost respect for India the day the SC criminalised homosexuality. But I am Indian after all, through and through, and I would much rather want to see the day when I can love my country again, and I’m sure you do too. I want to fight for our rights (even though I’m not sure if I have the courage to)
My point being, if all of us escape from our country, is the India that I still have faith in, the India I still WANT to have faith in, ever going to get justice. How in the world will the next generations of gay Indians who have unfortunately been born here ever be able to come out, ever be able to be happy and gay?
Don’t get me wrong, I am trying to plan my escape route too, but I will ever be able to live a carefree life abroad while I know my country rejects me.
PS. I just read some comments and I realise that what I am talking about has already been taken up, but nevermind, I shall put myself out there any way 🙂
Note from Gaysi Founder, straight from the heart! #IPC377 #NoGoingBack #PissedOff http://t.co/G9Ol3ZKaIg