The Gaysi Guide To Dressing Like A Lesbian

In only a few simple steps you can look like the lesbian you have always dreamt of being.

Are you a newbie in the world of openly out lesbians? *gasp*

Do you also wish to have a girlfriend but also cannot figure out how to find one?

Do you look at Kristen Stewart and wish you could do that (no pun intended)?

Well, then this is the guide for you. In only a few simple steps you can look like the lesbian you have always dreamt of being.

Reduce yourself to a binary understanding of being a Lesbian, even though you fought hard against society for exactly that all this while.

It is essential for you to first know your demarcation-

are you butch or femme?

 Do you want your clothes to scream BOTTOM in all caps or do you wish to come off as an aloof and mysterious top?

If you don’t know yet, then this is the place for you to be.

Colours Matter

If you want to send a signal to another lesbian, then it becomes extremely important for you to showcase your personality through the colour of your clothes.

Dark clothes mean a dark, brooding personality; which in lesbian terms translates to being a top. For this aesthetic, you need to have a massive supply of leather jackets, leather boots, leather bands and preferably leather pants. If you cannot skin your own leather, then store-bought is also fine; do not worry, it does not make you any less butch.

If you’re worried about the weather being too hot, then I should remind you that lesbians have suffered years worth of discrimination and ostracisation by the hands of the straights and even the gays as well, so a little heat is absolutely nothing compared to that. If you cannot wear it for yourself, remember your older lesbians who have struggled to give you that platform and wear it for them. The leather jacket is an important symbol for other lesbians. The straight women might feel like you belong to their clan, but that is a risk you should be willing to take because maybe one of those straight women might turn out to be gay. As for the men, a woman in leather is scary enough, and if you throw in a couple of leather chokers and spiky jewellery, you are good to go.

Now for our bottoms, pink and lighter, more airy colours define your personality as chirpy and friendly. Your wardrobe should be at least 50% pink. Skirts are a must; denim, cotton, woollen, corduroy. But try not to go for leather as it might confuse the others. Another must-have is knee-high socks. Knee-high socks are sexy, sultry and an easy way to identify yourself as a bottom who knows her business. Now you must be thinking, all this could pass you off as straight and men might prey on you. It is indeed sad that straight women did not develop their own style and stole the lesbian bottom fashion, but then that’s not the only thing they’ve stolen right?

Hair Raising Lesbianisms

The next step is an essential go-to for a lesbian of any kind, it will surely keep men away from you and help you look not straight – your hair. How you might ask with wonder in your voice.

Well, it’s easy; cut it short. Shoulder length or shorter would be preferable. Also, dye it. But not your local brown or blonde or red, we’re talking blue, green, pink, purple. Hell, go for that rainbow style you saw on Pinterest. Your hair is going to act like a beacon from miles away. You would be easier to spot, easier to locate in a crowded room and men generally do not like women with short hair, so the more the merrier.

Lesbians, from all eras and ethnicities, have been bleaching their hair to become more noticeable in order to befriend people like them. The straights have tried to steal this as well from us. But if you’re wondering whether this girl with blue hair is a lesbian, look for the undercut. An undercut is a telltale sign of a lesbian, chances are if she’s got one, she’s a homosexual. Again, my apologies if you’re straight and have an undercut, you shouldn’t have been stealing from us in the first place, so if a lesbian does end up hitting on you, that’s your fault, not hers.

Damn, Denim!

If all this seems too wild for you and you like that subtle charm, without the femme-butch distinction, lesbians have more items that define their culture. Denim is one of them. Denim jackets are common, yes.

Denim on denim is also very common, thanks to Britney and Justin back in 2001. But denim shirts? Now that’s a lesbian. You can mix it up with some flannels. Flannels are the true wlw – mlm solidarity clothing. You can spice up your outfit by adding a flannel to it, any colour works. Leather on flannel, denim on flannel, flannel around the waist, the possibilities are endless!

Make it up as you go

Another important step is makeup. Now this is where it gets tricky, because straight women also use a lot of makeup, and honestly, we cannot stop them. So I guess the best way to have a lesbian spot you as one of her own is to have big ass wings. Not the feather kind, but the eyeliner one. Lesbians love Lana Del Rey, so try to channel your makeup like her, big wings and red lips. But if you do not want that, always keep in mind your lips require chapstick.

It is an important lesbian accessory, a non-glossy chapstick. It keeps your lips moisturised after you’re done sipping on your iced coffee and also could be given to your potential crush, which might end up being a good conversational piece for later. Maybe you may kiss someone, maybe not- who knows?

Final Pointers, so you all look like the sharp little darts you are *wink*

If you identify as a butch lesbian, do not try to incorporate colour in your outfits, there’s a possibility you might confuse the bottoms who are trying to woo you, or worse, you might even pass as straight.

Same goes for the femmes. Please do not baffle the lesbians in your vicinity, they are anyway not having a good time being single.

Oh, and if your subtlety is not working and you feel like your clothes aren’t helping you project your lesbianism, pin a rainbow somewhere, your bag, your hair, your denim jacket lapel, even in your skinny jeans’ belt loop. You cannot go wrong with that. And if there’s uncertainty still, just throw some rainbow confetti wherever you go. That should do the deed.

This guide is not only for lesbians, any other ‘woman’/AFAB person who loves ‘women’ in a gayTM way regardless of what label you use, can take the help of this guide.

Ladies, the most important point to remember is that choosing to represent your personality through your clothes is valid, having a choice is valid, being you is valid. But what isn’t valid is having crushes on straight girls *sad reaxx*

Adios mis lesbianas!

*This is a satirical article, and we hope you had a good laugh at the stereotypes perpetuated in the name of ‘Lesbian fashion’ we are forced to swallow, thanks to the capitalisation of our lives and gay culture. A person is a person, and anyone can be a lesbian and a lesbian can be anyone.

About the author

Srishti Berry

Srishti is a brown, bisexual mess of anxiety and nerves. Her train of thoughts travel at crazy speeds, cross crossing each other, never staying put. She believes in the power of self expression and introspection, which are her two main motives to write. Srishti is currently an undergraduate English literature student at SGTB Khalsa College, Delhi University. She aims to write for big production houses and impact millions of lives just like her idols and inspirations do, but impacting even a handful of lives would be a good start.
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