A piece of adhesive
Of the colour red.
The scream of a woman -
“Chakka hai ki ladki?”
Her spectacled eyes
Upon my bindi.
All my three years as an undergraduate in sound school, I was the only girl in an entire batch of around 70 students. I figured I’d have no problem blending in with other boys as I always thought we were very much alike. But apparently, they didn’t see it that way.
A lot of people have questioned my gender identity. I have a rather dominant masculine exterior which is often mistaken for me wanting to be a man.
I don't see my queerness or my non-binaryness as the only relevant thing about me. But often, without my consent, it becomes the only thing relevant about me for others, especially in public, which in turn forces me to constantly perform to be allowed some basic things.
I was confused for the longest time because I used to think that there are just gay boys/girls and heterosexual boys/girls. I did not know about bisexuality until class 9th.
I clearly remember when I first dreamed about a family. It was the day I read about WHO report and how homosexuality is not a mental disorder. Sitting in my bedroom I decided that I will get married to a guy, have a small house, have kid/s and a pet (mostly dog), and will live happily ever after.
It was a Wednesday morning, I was eating my breakfast before I had to leave for work, and my mom came to me and asked, out of the blue, if I had ever been harassed for being gay.
first time I put a dress on
no, not a dress shirt!
it had polka dots and flower pots
a ribbon at the back
to accentuate the waist
or cut lunch some slack
Are you wondering why I am talking about gender and sex? Like you do now, I too had many questions, curiosities and anxieties about gender and sex.
The closet was made
Of charming mahogany
Made with the blood
Of a conservative household
Sacrifices of the heartless
Where we actually are in the UK; part hiding, part free – looking over our shoulder before we kiss. As I glanced back at the other people in the cinema, a million miles away from us… fear someone would see me cuddling a girl was acute.
I once asked her what she identified as. She proceeded to tell me that while she identified as pansexual, she chose to tell people she was bisexual. At the time, this was a little tough for me to understand. However, over time, I began to understand why she did it.
Classrooms are supposed to be safe spaces that allow everyone to learn, socialize and innovate. Let me tell you that none of that applies to most classrooms.
Under tremendous pressure to find a suitable partner for myself, I finally took the plunge and created my profile on a popular gay dating app.
When you - a straight person - visit a therapist, they won’t assume that all your problems stem from your sexuality. They are not going to confront you saying that “That bi thing you’re doing” is wrong and that you should stop being bi.
Over the past 2 years, I have learned more about the community's needs. My space has been acknowledged and my voice encouraged.
Nodding to people I am not listening
In front of her, I dream of her
I wish I had more teachers in my life who could have helped me in coming to terms with my identity. I wish I had more reliable sources and books within my access instead of having to search for things with no direction on the Internet.
I just know that if I do not take part in dismantling blocks of power that shouts oppression
Then I become one of them too
There is no neutral in the war
What does it mean for men to embrace feminism? What does it mean when we ask for a feminist masculinity?