Poem : A Random Hi

I really like you and miss you. Randomly. For no reason at all.
But this you will never hear.
I want to tell you it hurts when I see your best friend in her boyfriend’s shirt.
Because I want the same yet I don’t because that hurts too. I won’t
Go searching till it doesn’t.
But this you will never hear.
I want a few moments alone with you. On your bed. Because it feels simple and warm.
Actually for no reason at all.
I search for reasons but don’t find any.
I search for feelings and find many. Randomly.
But this you will never hear.
I want to be close to you. Not just physically. But a little bit of that too.
Maybe just kiss you.
I want to understand you. Be understood too.
Till we aren’t platonic strangers at different ends. Of this little universe of ours, of workloads and mutual friends.
I want to look at you and see if you look back at me too.
But this you will never hear.
You won’t hear the unceasing symphony of my heartstrings vibrating to the distant panic of reality.
My duality. I want you and yet I don’t.
I oscillate from a sad love to a happier ignorance.
Your imaginary form taunts me, warms me in the middle of the night
Waiting for the morning to see you again.
But I wake up wanting to be happy so I ignore it. Deny it.
Tell myself I am happier free from my feelings. Any romantic dealings.
I just want to escape this ride. It’s not thrilling anymore. Not even terrifying.
I’m just tired.
If anyone asks
No. I am not fine.
These days, most of the time.
But this they will never hear.
And neither will you.

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