Again and Again and Again …

Talking to my mom this week, I was surprised to see her surprised and shocked about my transition. Seriously! This is like the 3rd time I have spoken to them in the last couple months and it always seems like when the conversation goes past the usual “Hi, Bye and what did you cook?”, I know this is a coming out process starting all over again. My patience is tested and I bite my lips and start explaining of,  What it feels like? How I knew it? When I knew it? What has happened so far? How should they view the whole thing? What happens at work? Will I get fired? What legal protection I have? What now? What later? How my friends reacted? etc…. again and again and again. It feels like a Tina Fey’s (drooling) SNL skit but frankly being the protagonist makes me hate it in real life and I feel tired of this whole episode.

I never told my parents that I like women (wink! wink!) mostly because I did not want them to get lost in the whirlpool of varied identities of sexuality and labels. And mostly because I did not want them to come and ask me the dumbest question that I have been asked by a whole lot of miseducated thinkers – “If you feel like a woman how come you like them?” There is always a need for a lot of them to conform to hetero-normative thinking, isn’t it? Anyways, I think it is immaterial because I am sure they will be happy whatever the outcome and I know my mom is pinning for me to find someone. I do the usual blah blah blah and continue…

I do understand that it is tough for them to envision this. I know it could be abstract and it needs belief in me and may be some thinking on their part,  but it pisses me off when they make no effort to go meet a professional who can help. And from where they come there are plenty enough. Seriously, how will you ever know if you never even try?

Anyways, I am mentally preparing myself for yet another outing in the New Year.Laugh people laugh! Meanwhile, the nicest thing has been that my sisters’ have been very accepting and my Bros-in-law have been very supportive. My nieces have been even better and I love them so much. They are curiously accepting and overwhelmingly nice. Its a blend of innocence, naivete and self-discovery with some of them going through adolescence themselves.

I never ever believed in family but every time I visit my sister, she reminds me of what it means? – To me in particular! Two days prior to go meet her, I am all cranky and convince myself, “its just a weekend and its my sister” and every-time I return with a big smile. If anything, my whole transition has made me closer to my sisters’ like never before. What is there for me to hide? Its very amusing and nice when my sisters try to auto-correct themselves and gender me properly. I mean, I know it is tough and old habits die hard but its cool and funny and I give myself a high-five every-time I hear them do it.

I love my sisters’ and their families and my “parents”. If only they would wake upto reality and come around soon … I wish!

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Rashmi grew up in India and now she enjoys her time living in one of the queerest places in the world. She started transitioning a while back and is gradually coming out to people she thinks are cool enough for her. She enjoys discussing any topic under the sun and has an opinion about anything and everything. She thinks of herself as someone who can only hold intelligent conversations with people, when in reality she is totally insane and crazy, not to mention she has been highly hormonal recently. *GRIN*

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