Ask Freud : Bisexual Dilemma?

Hi everyone,

Assuming that people here are legit (I know how Desi forums can be), I’m a bisexual Desi woman in the states. I have always liked woman since middleschool, which is also around the same time I started liking boys. There have been many times in my life where I’ve felt that I’ve preferred women over men. There are only a few men out there that I’m wildly attracted to, but I can easily find attractive women. I don’t know where else to meet lesbian and bisexual Desi women.

I’m a very sexual person and I have struggled with criticism from the ABCD community, especially straight Desi males. It seems like anything deviating from a pious and virginal Indian woman is considered horrific. My family doesn’t know. They have been pressuring me to get married for a long time. I would hate to end up with a man and then realize that I really want a woman. As of now, my relationships with men have failed or have left me feeling empty. I mainly dated men to please my parents and not deal with the drama of them knowing that I like women. I’m at the point where I need to do what I really want to do.

Anyone in the same boat? – Desi Woman from USA



Well as far as I have experienced, we are all legit and professional here on Gaysi. It sounds like that is important to you because you may have been messed around and certainly judged by the Desi/ABCDcrowd. It looks like you have kept an open mind to your sexuality and were more drawn to theirpersonalities rather than gender, although it also appears to me that you are more leaning towards women of late. As I don’t live in the States I wouldn’t know where you could meet lesbian or bisexual Desi women, but do they specifically need to be Desi? Perhaps other readers can help out, if we would know where you live, as Gaysi readers are very friendly and willing to help people who struggle with issues like this.

Have you asked yourself what it was that the men, you have dated, couldn’t give you and left an emptiness, where women have been able to fill that? It could be useful to understand the gaps and the needs to be able to identify this. It is important for yourself to do what you want and need to do to make yourself happy. I agree that it would not be a good idea to marry a man if you prefer to be with a woman as this will leave both of you high and dry, which potentially could hurt a lot of people along the way, including yourself.

You seem to have reached the point where you have decided to do what you really want to do. Think about what steps you need to take to get to your goal. Set yourself some targets which would be in only your control, for you to be able to do it your way, in your time. Things to think about could be: telling your friends, finding places to go out and meet lesbians, thinking about how and where you could tell your family and where you see yourself settling. These seem either basic or quite daunting questions to ask yourself but be ready to challenge yourself.

I am not sure what else I can advise you on as I felt that there wasn’t a real question for me to answer but perhaps more of a confirmation needed to give you the encouragement that you were looking for. I am sure that there are a lot of people in the same situation and it would be helpful if they could leave a comment or post their story here for you and other people to read. This might give you some encouragement as well.

All the best,
Pink Freud.

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Pink Freud is a counselling psychotherapist in training. He currently sees therapy clients part time and manages a large team in a corporate environment when he is not 'in the therapist's chair'. Long term, he wants to specialise in working with LGBT individuals, couples and groups. As a gay man, who came out 10 years ago, he understands the unique struggles of the LGBT community and is here to help. You can e-mail your questions to and he will respond to you via the Gaysi Family website.
Pink Freud

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