Standing in front of the mirror, breathing heavily, I could see a part of me stuck into the labyrinth of my own thoughts, waiting to be wrenched out. Tears rolling down my cheeks and hair all messed up; I looked into the mirror just to tremble down back into the zero. But I knew, it had been long enough and I cannot procrastinate this today, for it had been eating me up since forever. Taking in a deep breath, I gathered courage to look back into the mirror and stare at it for a while, just a long searing gaze. The words couldn’t escape through my pursed lips, or maybe I was too afraid to let them out. That’s when I thought to myself, “If I could survive under a suffocating veil for so many years, I can survive this too. If I could be tough through my own thick and thin, I can do this too.”
With a stone cold face and a weeping heart, I let it go. Gazing into my own eyes in the mirror, I finally said those three words I was afraid to say for such a long time.
“I AM GAY.”
This threw me into a tsunami of emotions, I could hardly feel and had gone all numb, however I definitely felt light, like all of my burden had just been washed away, like all those wrinkles on my forehead were just wiped off. All the pain I had put myself through now seemed unworthy of time I wasted languishing it.
Amidst all the chaos in my head, somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear these verses giving me strength to fight back my anxiety.
Let your own doors open,
How long will you suffocate?
Hiding yourself beneath,
You need to chin up and flaunt your gait.
Those tears you shed and those fears you held,
Scars building under and the monsters with which you dwelled,
It all wipes off today, for you left those demons broken,
And let your own doors open.
Happy and contented your soul would be,
For you have accepted yourself,
Now blessed to be carefree,
For you became your own elf.
The journey wasn’t easy, we know,
But this is something you cant let go.
And even if people won’t understand you,
Wear your rainbow with every bright hue.
Let your own doors open,
For you are the author of your own story.
Let your own doors open,
Because you will rise to your own glory.
Let your own doors open, after all, coming out to yourself is the most important thing in a queer person’s life. You feel like a completely new person, with confidence shining through your crystal eyes. It’s always you who will have to fight for yourself and by accepting yourself, you win your own battles against your own self, and the glory continues!
On being asked about how important is coming out to yourself, Seanelle Jane Noronha, a media student had said, “Yes, yes, it is because unless you accept yourself and understand yourself, don’t expect the world to do the same. It’s always going to be about you, because you have to be there for yourself.” Also as the very well known YouTuber turned entrepreneur, Connor Franta puts it out in his coming – out video, “You are who you are and you should love that person”, you deserve some more love.
After all, closets are for clothes, and not human beings.
