“All nothingness is the nothing of something…”
‘Marriages of convenience’ – MoCs in short – are a common phenomenon in India. So it was only natural that I wondered if anyone had ever analyzed if such an arrangement would be any good in the LGBT situation as well. After all, what could go wrong if two like-minded people, after reaching a cer-tain stature and stage in their professional and personal lives, decide to get a house, maybe a dog, split finances and property and live together as a family? And could they not in this manner end up arranging a marriage for them-selves?
This is what I pitched to the to-be-wife (“TBW”), who promised to mull over the idea. Clearly, she was not convinced with this arrangement. As for me, given the success of many straight marriages of close friends which somewhere were based on matching certain criteria and check boxes in the partner com-patibility levels, I was confident about this arrangement. Notwithstanding obvi-ous issues of legality, why wouldn’t a well-structured and planned lesbian marriage of convenience with someone you trusted completely be successful?
MoC Success Formula #5: independence
We had diverse interests, diametri-cally opposite personalities, different career paths and a completely different set of friends – all in all the successful formula for a happy marriage! Oppo-sites do attract, after all. I say so with confidence because, except for the two of us, our worlds just did not collide. We would give each other lots of space in the relationship. Plus, we trusted each other completely.
MoC Success Formula #4: healthy communication.
We also brought in addi-tional drama with all our daily fights with our individual differences in opinion and stubborn attitudes. I imagined everything, from the choice of apartment, the color of the walls, the furniture, the car – everything, would be up for dis-cussion. Plus, think how beautiful and unique our surroundings would be, with all the diversity and quirkiness in our styles.
MoC Success Formula #3: mystery.
We also knew each other fairly well. Not in a we-knew-everything-about-each-other-from-the-moment-we-were-born kinda way, but a comfortable knowledge of little facts and snippets revealed during conversations on rare occasions when we were truly alone. There was still so much we needed to discover about each other- our relationships with family, siblings, friends, office colleagues, the job, were all blurry and mysteri-ous still. So there was plenty of stuff to unravel about each other, but don’t the books always say a little bit of mystery would keep up the interest levels, in any case? Turns out we had plenty of that, much more mystery than most straight MoC relationships had anyway.
MoC Success Formula #2: financial security.
As well as being socially inde-pendent, we both were also financially independent and secure in our profes-sional lives. We would commit to supporting each other financially if need be, and provide each other the security any healthy marriage required. Also, with our combined double-income-no-kids status, we could travel far and wide and live life, one adventure after another.
MoC Success Formula #1: S-E-X?
The fringe benefits of such wonderful weddings. I mean how wonderful would the kissing and the biting be devoid of any emotional attachment, vulnerability and unnecessary stress couples in love deal with on a daily basis. In any event, just how many straight couples were actually in love with each other? Haven’t we heard enough stories of women obliging their husbands as a part of their wifely duties? So why should a lesbian MoC be any different? Success Formula #1 for a MoC yaar- unlim-ited, guaranteed, disease-free, no-emotional-strings-attached – lust!
“So you see these were some of the reasons that made me supremely confi-dent of the success of such an alliance. I mean how many more heart breaks did we have to go through to realize that love is just plain over-rated, fucked-up and messy anyway, and with not too many happy endings. Let’s face it: most popular fiction is based on tragic love affairs.”
“But how meaningless would such a marriage be? How can you be with someone without surrendering yourself completely and unconditionally to the other person? I mean if I do marry, when I do marry, I will want my partner to be all mine: emotionally, physically and mentally. I want to be consumed by that all-empowering, fucked-up, overwhelming feeling of love, passion and desire. Anything short, even though practical, would just be so hollow, inade-quate and empty. It would never be enough. It would be nothing”, said the TBW.
“For stability and companionship, no!” replied a defiant me, irritated that the TBW was dissing my grand plans. “Plus, who else is going to put up with your cranky mood swings and bossy behavior anyway?”
“Then we may as well live together as sisters, no?” said the TBW. “After all, that’s the advantage of being of the same sex. Why do we need a mockery of a MoC in that case”.
“What does that even mean? That’s utter bullshit. And that truly would mean NOTHING”, said me.
“Why baby? It won’t be nothing. After all, didn’t you just tell me that all noth-ingness is also the nothing of something….” replied the clever TBW, winking one naughty brown puppy dog eye at me.
And just like that, my self-concocted MoC plans went into her unending TBD (to-be-decided) list. So what do you think, Fellow Gaysi’s? Has love been re-placed by comfort and stability? Does the idea of a MoC work in the same-sex context?
Or would transferring the idea of a MoC only be a mere mockery?
