Only A Human

I’d hate to think that we live in a world where there is no such thing as trust. Trusting our family, our friends, our partner, and even trusting ourselves has become so tangled up with what society thinks.

Maybe it’s safer to say that at our age, and in the times we live in today, privacy, confidence, loyalty, respect, and trust are concepts that we are unable to fully grasp.

I may be a somewhat bitter person at times, but if there is one thing I am an optimist about, it is trust. I believe that if someone holds such a place in our lives that we have entrusted them with our friendship, there is a mutual respect born that builds a foundation for trust and loyalty.

I am the kind of person that believes that if we trust a person with a personal matter, that it is a sign of love and respect. It means we think highly enough of the person that we are able to open up an aspect of ourselves to them that we aren’t yet ready to share with the world, or isn’t even meant to be shared at all. I believe that it’s not just about secrets and gossip. It’s about a bond between two people. And keeping a personal matter, let’s say, personal, is that person in turn showing you respect by not breaking your trust.

When I share my sexual orientation with a friend, I am trusting that they know me well enough to not believe that just because I’m into girls, that also means I’m in love with my best friend who just happens to be a girl.

I know I tend to trust the wrong kinds of people. I think it might be because I actually have so few friends that when I find someone I care about, I automatically think they are worthy of my trust.. even if I haven’t gotten the chance to truly figure that out.
I never truly saw until today how much my life is truly impacted from me being as introverted as I am. I always thought, hey, if I’m close to one or two people rather than ten, there are that many less chances of getting hurt. But really, it’s a lot of pressure for just a couple of people to sustain one person’s trust and love. And it makes me seem… somewhat less of a person. You know, a person that is so wound up in themselves that they can’t even sustain more than a few friendships… Or someone that maybe is unworthy of trust, or even someone that maybe has a past and secrets. And the world says, hey maybe we should share some of these secrets and speculations with more people and see what they think.

I make mistakes, just like everyone else. I am learning to take responsibility for them, because I used to be one to run away from them. That got me nowhere. And I am still learning today. But my past, my present, my number of friends, and surely, my sexual orientation do not make me any less of a human being. And I know this world will judge all of those things, that’s their job. But my friends, the people I trust and love and respect… there is no room for them to judge any of those things. Especially if it comes to breaking trust and loyalty by sharing rumors and gossip.

I can’t undo my mistakes. No one can. But if I am someone that can openly and honestly take on the task of fixing and learning from them, I see no reason that others cannot do the same.

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A Punjabi, girl-loving, Bollywood obsessed, fresh college grad, who has yet to step fully out of the closet into the big, gay, Desi world.

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