We can all agree that gender and sexuality are both spectrums. But alas – not every identity on the spectrum is treated equally. And oftentimes, things are shrouded in a fog of misguided misinformation.

“Bisexuality” is already quite a contested orientation. And we all probably know someone who thinks ‘nonbinary’ just isn’t a real thing (psssst looking at you “just pick a team!” people). So imagine the reaction I get from people when I tell them I am in fact… both those things! You and I both know that nonbinary bisexuals are obviously real and valid. The haters just kinda lack… imagination.

Jokes aside, the rampant misrepresentation, existing stigma, and spreading of myths can actually have a lot of negative consequences. Especially for impressionable youngsters who are just beginning to learn about the spectrums while trying to find themselves. And the worst part? These myths are deeply entrenched in our culture, society, and media, specifically pornography.

Porn is the first brush for a lot of people when it comes to exploring one’s sexuality and orientation. And impressionable people may even go as far as considering porn as a legitimate source of sex education , and may not be able to discern fact from fiction. This is because much like the rest of the world (boo), the porn industry is dominated by cis-het men. That leaves so much room for myths, misconceptions, and downright b*llshit that can range from factually innacurate to downright *offensive*. And we NEED to talk about them.

Also read: Discovering Bisexuality as a Teenager

I’m going to take you through some of the most common porn-peddled myths about nonbinary bisexual folx. If you’re in for a laugh, an eye roll, or a good old rage out, keep on reading!

We don’t exist/ It’s an oxymoron

Finding nonbinary representation in porn… much like trying to find it in the rest of the media world, is an impossible task. Traditional porn execs aren’t going out of their way to prioritize marginalized identities – they want views with the same old tricks and problematic stereotypes that have existed for decades. So yeah, they don’t really have an incentive to showcase non-binary bisexual people.

Another point worth mentioning here is the common misconception that the term “nonbinary bisexual” is contradictory and doesn’t make sense. Nonbinary bisexuals have existed throughout history, and while the ‘bi’ might be perceived as implying a binary, in real life, it is just used as a term to describe that bisexuals can have preferences at different levels for the genders they are attracted to. It has also been interpreted as meaning attraction to 2 or more genders, similar to bi in bi-weekly (is that twice a week or once in two weeks?)!

Also read: Always a Bisexual

We’re HORNY and ready to go at it anywhere, anytime

You’ve heard it before – bisexuals are of course bisexual, because we are horndogs who want to have loads of sex with every gender possible. Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing problematic about having loads of sex, if that’s what you want. But making such sweeping generalisations for every person belonging to a sexual orientation can be incredibly damaging.

While the term ‘bisexuality’ refers to the number of genders a person is attracted to, it has no bearing whatsoever on a person’s libido, or frequency of desire to have sex. And it sure as HELL doesn’t mean we’re ready to have sex with any random person of any gender we come across!

Attraction is something deeply personal and subjective to each individual who experiences it. A gender preference absolutely does NOT imply attraction to every person of that gender. And society at large better be taking notes!

Also read: The Gaysi Guide to Writing a Bisexual Character (Properly)

We LOVE threesomes

Probably the biggest myth spread about bisexuals – a spilling over of the previous point – is that we frequently participate in group sex. Specifically, threesomes. If I had a buck for the number of times I have been propositioned to be a “unicorn” in a threesome with couples looking to spice up their sex lives on dating apps, I’m sure I’d be a billionaire right now. Now I’m sure there are plenty of bisexuals out there who love having threesomes, while some may like an inanimate third partner in the mix (that’s code for getting kinky with sex toys!). The point is, it’s their choice!  And not some innate ‘trait’ that’s set in stone.

That’s because there is a specific niche of pornography that fetishizes bisexuals, most commonly bisexuals who also happen to have a vagina, showing them in a threesome with a cis-man. Now clearly, this is some hypermasculine sex fantasy absolutely soaked in the male gaze. In reality, a person’s desire to participate in group sex is entirely their business, and doesn’t have to do with their sexual orientation. And besides, we all know a nonbinary bisexual with severe social anxiety who wouldn’t dare join a threesome. 😛 Hell… some of us don’t even want to have sex with a partner. Partnered sex can seem intimidating, overwhelming, or even unsafe to a lot of us. Exploring pleasure – whether you’re bisexual or not – isn’t just restricted to partnered sex! Sex toys for queers exist and often times offer a much safer feeling option for individuals to discover what they like and don’t like in the bedroom… before even involving another person in the mix.

Also read: About Threesomes and Media Representation on Escaping Purity Culture

We’re all directly or indirectly impacted by the media we consume, sometimes without us even realizing it. And even though jerking off is a time when our rationality goes completely offline, a little critical thinking – even while watching porn – never hurt anyone. That’s exactly why open conversations about sex and sexuality are important. So people can explore, discover, and express themselves in a way that’s authentic and safe. Whether it’s being open about your sexual orientation or talking about experimenting with sex toys, every one of us can add to the wave of sexual liberation. After all, there’s no room for shame in matters of pleasure. So go forth, be besharam, bust bisexual myths, and have fun while you’re at it!