You know, this was supposed to be my self-imposed deadline for “Love Songs for Lesbians 2.0”. I had it drafted and all ready to go. And then…I suppose the easiest way to put it is that I got my heart stomped on? I don’t generally let people get close enough to be able to hurt me, but oh man. I didn’t really see this one coming. It’s been less than 24 hours, and I’ve just learned that people could cry enough to make their faces raw. And I love her so much that I’d give anything to be able to forgive and forget, and yet I can’t bring myself to do that.
But enough about me. I suppose everyone gets their heart torn to shreds sooner or later. And just like sometimes, words cannot describe how amazing your relationship is…well, sometimes there aren’t enough words to describe how much it hurts when things fall apart.
I don’t know whether listening to sad songs is some form of ridiculous masochism, or whether it’s therapeutic. But if you’re ever in the mood for a platter of homo heartbreak…here it is
Boats & Birds – Gregory And The Hawk
“You can sky rocket away from me
And never come back, if you find another galaxy
Far from here, with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust to remember you by”
Gregory And The Hawk is Meredith Godreau, an American singer-songwriter. She’s been around since 2003, and this is one of the songs that skyrocketed her to fame. Well, okay, maybe not fame, but “fame” as it occurs in the indie music world. All of her songs are sad, and about love, so if you like how this one sounds, you might as well buy the whole self-titled EP. This is for when your love leaves you, for bigger and better things…and you’re (justifiably) miserable, but you still want them to be happy. God, I hate being happy for someone I also really wish I could kick.
“Suppose I never ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you
Kiss me so sweet and so soft”
Okay, so I know I already featured Regina in Love Songs for Lesbians, and I ought to be more original, yadda yadda, but really. I’m basically mad with grief, so whatever, you get more Regina. This song has a deceptively cheerful sounding melody, but it’s about heartbreak…and seeing the positive side. Yes, your heart just got stomped on like grapes at some hippie wine festival. Yes, half of your shit is still at your girlfriend’s house and you don’t know how to get it back. And yes, you are going to get pitying looks from all your homo friends as news travels down the gossip chain. But what if you’d never met the person you loved? You’d never have gained the experience and the joy they once brought you. So remember that before you go burning your bridges!
“Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can’t make it come or go
But you are gone- not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good”
For a song called “Happiness”, this song is terribly sad. Which makes it perfect for the broken-hearted. I think my favorite line in the whole song is “happiness has a violent roar”, but the entire song is beautiful. The Fray makes some good stuff. They have some happier music for sure, but Ungodly Hour is another good one for the kind of mood I’m in. Both are about the ends of relationships, which makes them perfect.
Walk Away – Christina Aguilera*
“I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping”
With an intro like that, you know the song will be a good one for the hurt and (mildly) bitter. Or, not-so-mildly bitter. There’s nothing wrong with a little bitterness if you’ve just been emotionally destroyed. It’s a song about going back to the one person that you know you need to walk away from. Christina has an amazing vocal range, which is demonstrated in this song, and it helps that its angry and gorgeous at the same time. For the record, Christina Aguilera openly identifies as bisexual. Which is why she gets a little star.
In Your Atmosphere – John Mayer
“I’m gonna steer clear,
I’d burn up in your atmosphere
I’m gonna steer clear,
Cuz I’d die if I saw you,
I’d die if I didn’t see you there”
This is that song for when you desperately want to see your (ex)beloved…and at the same time, you know you should just stay home and do something productive like pick the lint off of your sweaters, because there would just be a scene. Or you’d kiss and make-up when you ought to have the self-respect to keep a wide berth from someone who’s given you nothing but pain. And yet, even though you know you should stay away…it’s not easy. This is the song for that feeling. John Mayer is very good at putting his emotions into his songs, but I feel like this one in particular is especially telling of a very specific kind of heartbreak.
“And I thought you had ruined it all
and I thought you were going to hell
And I thought I had ruined it all
And I thought I was living in hell”
Okay, this is beginning to make me teary-eyed, but dammit, I’m going to make it to 9 songs if it kills me. One of the first things I ever did with my girlfriend (am I allowed to call her that anymore?!) was go to a concert, where we saw Kaki King and An Horse. And it was amazing. How fitting for this to be representative of the end. This song is about concentrating…and breathing. About taking it one step at a time, and how much it sucks, but all you can do is breathe, with little lungs…breathe.
Coin-Operated Boy – The Dresden Dolls*
“Made of plastic and elastic
He is rugged and long-lasting
Who could ever ever ask for more?
Love without complications galore”
Don’t worry, people who like boys/male-oriented-or-identified folks…I haven’t forgotten that your hearts get broken too. So here is this wonder from The Dresden Dolls. Amanda Palmer, the vocalist, is one of my absolute favorites. She says “I’m bisexual, but it’s not the sort of thing I spent a lot of time thinking about. I’ve slept with girls; I’ve slept with guys, so I guess that’s what they call it!” And I love that! I wish more people took that approach. This song is about a coin-operated boy…and how he would be so much better than a real one, because he couldn’t hurt you.
“What am I supposed to do,
when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say,
when I’m all choked up and you’re okay?”
Powerful lyrics – the main chorus repeats “when a heart breaks, no it don’t break even”. Which is so true. Someone is always hurt more than the other when a relationship ends.
“Call, break it off
Call, break my own heart
Maybe I would have been
Something you’d be good at
Maybe you would have been
Something I’d be good at
But now we’ll never know”
I’ve been steadfastly avoiding all of the Tegan and Sara on my computer. And considering that I own every CD they ever made, EP’s and acoustics included, that involves a lot of effort. Basically every Tegan and Sara song could be used for heartbreak. Besides Call It Off, the ones that are hard-hitters (at least for me) are “Soil, Soil”, “Nineteen”, “Back in Your Head”, “My Number”, and “Alligator”.
But I suppose this one speaks to me the most. The intro – “I won’t regret saying this, this thing that I’m saying”. I don’t like having regrets, so I make a conscious effort to learn from things so I don’t have to be remorseful. But I think the worst thing about the end of the relationship is when you can see where it could have gone, and how happy you could have been.
I don’t really have much to say in the way of conclusions, besides “girls suck”. Nobody really makes a mixtape for themselves being miserable…but I make I-pod playlists so I can walk around campus and mope, so if you feel like commiserating, here’s the start of a list. Who knows, you might even get a part 2!
For those of you hoping for more love songs, sorry for the delay, but I’ve got your back. I should be okay in a week or so, and ready to give you happier tunes.
