The Awakening Moment

The other night Ruswa and I were sitting at a pub, recruiting. Yes, recruiting. We, at Gaysi have chunky expansion plans and I would advise our Team members to get with it at the earliest. Please expect The To Do List in your mail box in the next 24 hours.

So there we were showcasing our popular traits; Ruswa and her Colgate smile, whereas yours truly was almost ready to dish out her gyaan on how to attract Quality women & Quantity women, depending on what one is running after. (Please Note: Gaysi recruiters are selfless creatures, who stop at nothing to accomplish their goals). Needless to say, in 30 minutes, our prospect was ready to have “Gaysi” tattooed on his forehead.

Once done with all recruiting formalities and reinforcement of our motto “At Gaysi we mean business”, we allowed ourselves to celebrate and bought our very young lad a couple of beers. Two pints down, we were buddies; we, the confident ones and he, the curious one. And then, Eureka! he popped a question worth mulling – “So when was your Awakening moment?”

When I look back, unlike many of my dyke friends, I can’t really pin-point that dramatic awakening moment. In fact I think I skipped it altogether. None of those daunting realizations “Damn, I Gay!” “Damn, what will Sarla Aunty think?” “Damn, I will be deep fried in Hell’s gigantic black pot” “Damn! Damn! Damn!” Nope, none of that. Now this is something I am not really proud of. I feel like I may have missed something so vital in living the Queer experience.

As a 13 year old who kissed a woman for the first time and from there on made gradual progression towards other aspects of physical intimacy, I think of my awakening experience more of an easy breezy one. The realizations here were not just hormonal, but also glittering with a certain feel good factor – “Damn, women are hot!” “Damn, women taste yummy!” “Damn, I like this!” “Damn, I want more!” “Damn! Damn! Damn!”

Even as a grown up, the realization process hasn’t stopped. Every time I come out to a stranger, every time I write a post, every time I read a Queer story, even every time I flirt with a woman! – I become aware of this confident person living inside. This sexually confident woman happy to love another.

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Now 30, 100% shudh desi lesbian. Likes living large, and on the edge. Dislikes stagnation, fence sitting and hypocrites. Lives in a bubble of joy, with occasional lapses into drama queendom. Currently nursing a massive crush on actress Chitrangada Singh (kind of eerie, her resemblance to the late Smita Patil, don’t you think?). Aspires to build a fully functional support system for the Gaysi community in India. And most importantly, top the 'Hottest eligible desi-lezzie' list one bright sunny day.

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