The Bisexual’s Dilemma

I am not looking for a “life partner”. God knows I find it hard enough to manage my regular flirtations, affairs on the side and small stimulations.

However, I sometimes have to consider this – as a bisexual, do I want to spend the rest of my life with one man or one woman? Not all of us are designed for monogamy, but fact of the matter is that even in the most open or relationships, we descend into some semblance of monogamous. You see, you can go about orgasming on various beds, but in the end you have but one heart.

(Yes, yes, of course. You can love many people at the same time. I know all that.)

Sexually men and women satisfy me on pretty much the same level. But surely partnership/ marriage/ monogamous companionship is more than sex. Bisexuality isn’t just about being equally comfortable about groping men and women. In a sense, you can visualize yourself being romantically involved with both. You can imagine raising children, and running a household with both. A bisexual friend remarked that since she liked both men and women, she would probably opt for a man – the relationship would be a lot easier, would require very little explanation. And all that.

I don’t know about me. How far is anything convenient? Yes, for my friend, (and no, this is not one of those cases where “my friend” is an oblique reference to the self) the convenience of running a household with a pair of testicles overrules anything. Plus, she likes sex with both men and women. So in choosing to be with a man or woman, she is going to lose out on something in life anyway. But let’s say I am a charming young Iyer woman, and fall in love with a charming young Muslim man from Azerbaijan. How convenient is that relationship? To explain, to construct. As opposed to that, me falling in love with another Iyer woman is probably a whole lot easier – culturally and otherwise.

I don’t know – if I loved a man and woman equally, who would I choose to spend the rest of my life with? Who would I rather commit to? Who would I rather have babies with? Share a bank account with? Grow old with?

Though if I had to choose, I probably don’t love either of them that bloody deeply anyway. Might as well screw around, and marry for convenience. The Azerbaijani Gentleman or the Iyer Lady. Time and orgasm will tell.

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EnVee maybe married. Maybe gay. Maybe bisexual. Everything about her life is mildly confusing, even especially to herself. She's well read. Which makes things worse. Because every one of her convictions is constantly challenged.

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