The Gaysi Guide To Not Crushing Your Crush With Expectations

Artwork by: Riya

Butterflies are fluttering in your stomach and taking a hint from them, words are refusing to behave the way they are supposed to. They are either getting stuck in your throat or coming all out at once, and you are giggling beyond control whenever that one person is around. Congratulations, you have a crush! But where do you go from here?

It is easy to feel overwhelmed or nervous when you have a crush on someone- whether or not you have known them for long enough. It is even easier to have the daydreams that you are lost in slowly turn into expectations. What is not easy, however, is figuring out how to balance these emotions when you’re still in the ‘this person is God’s gift to mankind’ phase. Luckily, there are a few easy steps that you can follow to make sure that you do not end up crushing your crush with expectations.

Understand that your crush does not get to witness your fantasies

While you and your crush are probably already living in a beachside villa with three dogs and two pizza ovens in your head, in real life they are an actual human being with their own interests, opinions, and life journey. If you do not put in the time to get to know the actual, living version of them and expect them to be okay with having long conversations with you as if you have already pledged your love for each other, they are sure to feel smothered. Give them space and slowly bridge the gap between the two of you instead of jumping right in. Be vary that casually mentioning something that you came across while stalking their social media profile can actually feel creepy to them since you do not actually have a relationship with them yet.

Recognize that your crush is (hopefully) not a mind reader

While you may feel like it is extremely obvious that you are pining over someone, expecting a person to guess and realize how you feel for them is unfair. Even if you save the last scoop of ice-cream for them, chances are that they won’t feel comfortable with the idea of assuming that you are interested. If you are genuinely interested in being with someone, the best thing to do is to tell them. The worst thing that could happen is that they say no- but isn’t that clarity better than spending days wondering ‘what if’?

Be open to the fact that you have a ‘crush high’.

When you start crushing on someone, it is natural to feel like they have no faults and are the most perfect human being ever created. However, expecting your crush to not have any negative traits is just unfair. Since you have a perfect picture of them in your head, getting to know or witnessing them doing or saying something that betrays a flaw can feel like you were being kept in the dark. Therefore, there is a possibility of you having a disproportionate reaction when your ‘crush high’ suddenly comes crashing down. Make sure to not set unrealistic standards of perfection in your head for them.

Be open to the possibility of them not liking you back

We know it can feel like if your heartbeat is increasing so rapidly in someone’s presence, it should be impossible for their heartbeat to not respond. However, if you are already expecting a positive response, it can be easy to read too much into little things that are not really signs. They might be helping you out with something because they are a generally kind person, or they might be eating with you during the lunch break because they enjoy your company as a friend. Building up your expectations each time they call or text you can put too much pressure on the bond that you have with them.

Recognise that you are amazing, whether or not you end up being with them

Since being around your crush can cause a dopamine release, it can be easy to expect that your life will be absolutely perfect with them in it. However, putting that expectation on them can be harmful, whether or not they end up reciprocating your feelings. If you end up together, it can put unfair pressure on them to be responsible for your happiness. If you don’t, it can cause you to feel like there is no way to move on. It is important to recognize that your worth and happiness are not directly proportional to a person’s interest in you- and you are amazing, no matter what!

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The student that always has her hand up in class, and in life. Dreams of a world where Lizzo's songs automatically shower glitter on the listener, minorities are not constantly expected to put in unequal emotional labour for everything, and kind people find each other despite all the noise.

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