The M-Word

That’s right. Masturbation. Self-Lovin’. “Down” time. The much hushed-much maligned-much happening (yeah, yeah! Don’t get touchy [or do! *chuckle*] – I know you weren’t really in the other room running to pick up the phone) sexual practice. Since in this gaysi space, we don’t shy away from much – I thought a little ‘M’-talk sounded like fun.  And nope, this won’t read like a how-to (not really rocket science ). More like a why-to.

Lets start at the very beginning – South Asians and their repressed sexuality. I haven’t a clue why that is because we are very VERY attractive and sensual race. By god, We all should be getting some action when we want some action simply because we are so darn good looking. But somewhere between the Kamasutra and Bollywood, sexual desire became something of a travesty. Trees. Tweeting Birds. Screw the light bulb, Pat the dog. The Barjatya’s. They have all conspired together to ensure that the world has an image of South Asians scratching their heads over a map towards their genitals marked “x” (  or “xxx’ – whatever catches your fancy).

To make things a bit more challenging because South Asians are competitive in every arena –  till not a little more than a year ago, having some homo-loving in India was illegal ( I sometimes wonder how much fun illegal sex was – and it just struck me that I’ve never actually done it in my own country! O..M..G!) But that is no longer the case. What we do in our bedrooms are our own private business. And that is exactly why we should talk about our business all the more!

Touching one’s own self and soul and southern bits is oodles and oodles of fun ( For the sake of boundaries, I shall refer only to the practice of solo masturbation and not engaging in the same with another individual or partner present ) While society laments the horrors and shame of registering an inkling of a tingle between our legs or between our ears where it actually originates – The truth is we are sexual beings. And sexual desire falls somewhere in the hierarchy of needs and Masturbation is thus, motivated by a very worthy end. It makes you feel comfortable with your constantly evolving body. It releases delightful hormones to make you feel hair-flipping heel-clicking good. It is private and wonderful for your daily damaged self esteem. It forces you to think happy thoughts. It also gives you a workout (Yes pillow queens, that is what happens when you have to do all the work) Sound good? You bet. No, one does not go blind. It doesn’t really cure hysteria. And addiction is a rare occurrence ( You have as much a chance of being addicted to the fecal scent of a rare East-African bird, just to put it in perspective )

Yet, Masturbation is rarely spoken about – Almost as if no one is doing it ? Really ? I won’t lie. I am on a peculiar dry spell and if anyone has been reading my woes, my luck with the ladies is excruciatingly terrible. But I am a healthy, sufficiently randy twenty something with my body parts communicating with each other well enough to ensure that Masturbation is a priority. Not enough to be marked on my Google calendar, but yes – I will listen to my body when it complains that none of you ladies out there are taking care of it ( *whine whine* ) But I find myself never having spoken about it much. Sex? yes – it gets a fair amount of airtime in conversation with close confidantes but somehow Masturbation has come up only once and it went a little something like this:

QC [ to recently laid-for-the-first-time friend ]: “What? Huh ? Then how the heck do you know what it feels like to orgasm if he came before you did and that was the end of it ?”

Mortified Friend: “I …errr…….[silence]………………………………”

QC: “Oh! …[Bursts out laughing]”

Ok. So maybe I am not the most understanding person to have around if you have just been laid for the first time and didn’t orgasm and had fonder memories of your private sessions. But herein lie my questions about The M-Word – Do Gaysis do it ? Do Gaysis not do it ? What do you think of it ?

Say it right. Say it here.

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Queer Coolie is the pink and cheery avatar of a single Indian lesbian recently repatriated from the US. She also dabbles at being the following - Editor @gaysifamily | Dimsum Lover | Kettlebell Swinger | Startup Standup | Bathroom Beyoncé
Queer Coolie

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