What Does It Feel Like?

I have never broken up with anyone before. I have always been dumped. Even if I did do the dumping, I don’t think I have the chutzpah to carry it off. I would probably end up feeling sorely guilty. “What if I made a big mistake? What if this was my soul mate? I have to call him before he moves on.. I must undo it”. Yeah, that’d be me. I want to know what its like to feel free after a break up. I want to know what each of my boyfriends must have felt when they dumped me. What does it feel like to feel free? What is it like to be fishing for the other minnow in that proverbial big sea? What is it like to see your ex’s number flashing on your phone and casually clicking on “reject” with the same disdain you reserve for a telemarketer? How does one see a familiar name in the email and not have butterflies in the stomach? What does it feel like to hear a song you’ve have always played while you made out?

I could tell you how I feel.

I can’t listen to Pink Floyd or John Mayer or Coldplay ever again. He’s made it impossible for me to enjoy them without pining for him. I can’t ever have my pictures taken because I wouldn’t like what I see. He was a pro-photographer you see and I had never posed for anyone else before. I can’t ever walk the streets of Bangalore, again. No, no that city would smother me to death with all the memories it holds at every street corner and every jug of beer. And then there is that whole slew of movies we watched together, that’s completely ruined for me now.

So, what does it feel like to be on the other side? I bet it must feel awesome, because being here, just sucks.

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The Cathartist is the Editor at GaysiFamily. She remembers nearly all her dreams to the last detail, would rather skip a movie than watch it after missing the first five minutes, has a rare form of Tourettes leading to inappropriate conversations and is a hopeless jerk magnet. If she ever writes a book, it will be called "La tyrannie d'anciens amoureux".
The Cathartist

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