In collaboration with The Quiet Queerness Project
The internet is full of labels about our identities, which can be overwhelming for some of us. While it can offer comfort initially to find a label that finally ‘fits’ our experience, it can also be limiting when we find ourselves going through something outside of that label’s definition. A lot of queer folk feel an “imposter syndrome” about their identity or label, they can also feel anxiety about “appropriating” the labels and taking up space that they think is meant for someone else. This is LIES. Labels are meant to liberate, not limit us. Labels are meant to serve our understanding of ourselves, rather than us trying to fit into the box of that term.
Find A Label
Take your time. Go through as many of the terms as you can find (look up online resources and talk to other people who identify with them) and think about it, talk about it and see how the word rolls off your tongue. Know that you have the right to adopt any label that truly resonates with you, speaks to your physical, emotional, social or sexual experience, and feels true to you at any time. There’s no hurry to find one, nobody is waiting with a deadline and a form for you to be included into the community.
Find another Label!
Collect your pokemon! You don’t have to limit yourself to the “one” label that will define all of you. That’s impossible. We are all multifaceted, constantly evolving Pikachus that will need different terms for the different parts of ourselves. Give yourself that space for multiplicity.
Allow Yourself to Move Between Labels
We don’t move in linearity through our life. So neither do our labels. You don’t have to “progress” or “have an arc” from one label to another. Allow yourself the freedom to move back and forth between different labels. If an idea or an identity was rejected before, that doesn’t mean you can never go back to it again. They’re not your ex!
Provide consistent compassion to be lost
This is hard work. The world that we inhabit has preconceived notions, labels, boxes that you are expected to fit into and will receive hostility if you “deviate” from them. While it sounds easy to say that one should be more compassionate, it can be really uncomfortable to do that for ourselves when the world around you sends out the exact opposite message. By being queer, we’re not just opposing heteronormative ideas, or rejecting patriarchal structures of being but also taking on paths that have never been traversed before. Therefore, it is natural to feel confused, lost or uncertain. Remind yourself that it is okay to go round in circles. Straight lines are for straight people.
Build and find support
We can’t understand ourselves or our identity in isolation from others around us. It’s okay to be selective about who you want to involve in your journey of discovering yourself. Therefore, it is important to surround ourselves with those who can be supportive and compassionate towards us during this time. Try to make sure that you build that support system by also offering compassionate, patient support to other queer folk when you can.
