Who Are You F**king In Your Head?

Alright, then. Let’s talk about something we don’t talk about enough: the little porno movie that plays in your head while you’re pleasuring yourself. Or in other, not so prudish words, while you’re masturbating. I’m not concerned as much about the act itself as I am about what goes on in your head while you’re doing it.

We all need some kind of “stimulation” in the absence of vibrators, both mechanical and human. Before you go, Eh, that’s what we have our hands for, let me clarify what I mean. I’m talking about the person you picture in your head when the real one is not part of the action. Being the visual creatures that we are, it’s our imagination that lets us jump hands first into this delightful deed. It’s the fantasy we weave in our heads that helps our fingers tickle all the right nerve endings.

So, assuming you’re not taking the help of any external stimulation (porn movies, erotica, a recording of your partner’s moans from last night’s phone sex, other people’s fingers……you get the drift), here’s my first question to you: Who do you think about while you’re going at it?

Do you think about the object of your horniness? Or the person you love or are in love with? Do you think about scenes from a porn movie? Famous movie stars? The hot woman from the bar you thought you had a connection with just because both of you looked at each other at the same time for 2 whole seconds? That girl you have a crush on? Your ex? Or do you think about someone you interact with daily but don’t really talk to or know?

The thing with our brains (or maybe it’s just mine…that cheeky little grey bastard), is that they’re really unpredictable. You can never tell what they’re gonna throw at you and yell, Surprise! Before I met The Girl, I used to think about hot women I’ve met or interacted with. After I met her, I didn’t want to think about anyone else but her. Then, one fine day, while I was just getting started, my brain decided to spice things up. Suddenly, there I was, with Chris Evans and Ryan Gosling in my head. I don’t know where they came from. Or why, even. They just showed up.

At first, I was a bit unsettled that my brain had so easily nudged The Girl out. Then I thought, hhmm, maybe some variety won’t hurt. And I don’t have to feel guilty because you know, they’re just movie stars. It’s not like I’m thinking about a regular person.

While I made my peace with that, it did get me thinking about what is considered cheating. Which brings me to my second question: Is thinking about a movie star while you’re masturbating okay as compared to thinking about a regular person from your everyday life? This person could be your hot work colleague, a friend’s sexy friend, or that mysterious stranger from the bar you went to with your partner. Basically, just another regular person, like you and me.

Call me crazy, but I’m not sure I’d be okay with my partner fantasizing about a regular person. But that’s just me. What do you think?

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Lady Jughead lives and writes in the city she loves and hates, Bombay. Without meaning to and harbouring mixed feelings about it (You’ll see the irony in just a bit), she’s forever wandering in the murkiness that exists between straight and gay, clear and clueless, butch and femme, cute and hot, and genius and insane. All of which leave her with a question that often occupies a significant portion of her cognitive capacity – is she Just Perfect or is she falling fast into the deep chasm of obscurity called Just Average?
Lady Jughead

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