Woman Inside

Women are assumed to be such feeble concepts, delicate things, perhaps even portrayed as so. The Bride in the Hollywood movie Kill Bill was vandalized and murdered by Bill and his gang for presumed treachery; Cerise Lannister from the Game of Thrones had to atone to her sins by walking naked, shaved, and stripped off of all of her dignity in front of her entire kingdom to watch; the character Janki in the Indian film Lajja was defiled by her own audience for her satirical theatrics; Raamdulari from the same film was harassed and burnt by the villagers for being rebellious; and Malena in the eponymous movie was plundered and paraded, accused of being traitorous and wanton by the people of Sicily.

How easy it is to belittle the feminine, to blame her. Perhaps women are easy targets for nothing happens without them. The feminine energy is both the lowest and highest rungs of the ladder, of the darkest valley and the tallest peak. The world does not start with Adam, it starts with Eve. It is through Eve that the serpent persuades Adam to disobey – it is as if there is no direct way to the masculine. One has to go through the feminine to go to the masculine, masculine is the body and the feminine is the psyche and everything is borne out of the psyche. Only the mind can be persuaded, convinced, seduced and then the mind can persuade the body very easily.

For a while now I vexed the feminine in me, my ego took over my receptivity, the ego is hard and masculine, and the reception so feminine, I frightened her, humiliated her, starved her, mutilated her, deprived her of all the attention that she was receiving, both the necessary and the unnecessary. The masculine ego is always trying to penetrate – as imagined in sex, an effort to violate the other, and the feminine is absorbing – just as in sex.

I am the bride and I am Bill and his gang, I am Cerise and I am her kingdom, I am Janki and I am her audience, I am Raamdulari and I am those villagers, I am Malena and I am all those people in Sicily.

It looks like it’s on the outside and indeed it is, but more importantly, it is here within, inside too; mostly neglected and often suppressed.

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