Yo, Where You At?

This past weekend was Memorial Day weekend in the US. And because I’m too lazy to type out what it stands for, here’s a copy-paste from wiki.. “Memorial Day is a day of remembering the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces.” And that’s great; we honor the individuals that put their lives in danger to protect our liberty and freedom. BUT, if you live here you probably already know that for the rest of us (the ones that are detached from anyone serving in the army) this weekend is like any other holiday weekend in America. It is a weekend for downright debauchery. So the stereotypical American thing to do is to either host/go to a BBQ, drink beer or maybe do what many New Englanders do – drive down to the Cape. Cape Cod is the easternmost stretch of Massachusetts, with many towns located along the water. And then there’s Provincetown. P-town (as we gays lovingly call it) is the tip of the Cape, a gorgeous place to be in the summer, with a large gay population that resides in and around the town. Almost any quite weekend over the summer, you see a mix of straight and gay families/friends.. But mostly gay men, not lesbians. And then there’s Memorial Day weekend. When every lesbian that has the ability to make it to the Cape will be there. This year, I made it there for the first time and boy oh boy, what a lesbian-tastic weekend it was.

But there was something more than the drunken escapades that caught my eye..

In a town full of thousands of women, I didn’t spot a single (you heard me) desi woman. You could easily blame this on a lack of desis in Massachusetts. Not true. We are everywhere, let’s not kid ourselves. It isn’t even that that are no desi lesbians in the area, because if you were to troll around the internet, you would come across numerous forums with baby desi dyke conversations. So then, what is it? Is it that our cultural upbringing was so homophobic that we lost ourselves in the process? I’m a victim too. Example – I comfortably walked around the streets of P-town with my girlfriend hand in hand, as it should be. But as soon as we were back to “reality” Monday evening, I’d wince (per usual) whenever she reached out to me in public. Personally, I’m always always always worried that some godforsaken 5th cousin or a random classmate from middle school (desi) will catch me in my “gayness” and all its glory. Oh the tragedy! The news would spread back home like wildfire – “are unki beti ko dekha? Amreeka mein kisi ladki ka haath pakadke chal rahi thi! Maine to unko pehle hi WARN kiya tha – amreeka main bacche bigad jaate hain.” *end of aunty voice*

This internal homophobia is so deeply ingrained in my personality that even amidst all these women, whenever I’d spot a straight desi family, I’d immediately pull my hand away from my girlfriend. On that note, what were these people doing in P-town?! Possible explanations –

  1. They heard Provincetown is a great tourist attraction and decided to visit.. without ever researching what it entails.
  2. They heard its “gay” and came to be entertained (think any gay male portrayed in Bollywood).
  3. They came and saw all these women walking around holding hands and assumed that we were either “best friends”, here for a sports convention and/or blamed it on western culture.
  4. And I find it very hard to believe this one but, they were actually down with homosexuality.

I digress. But being a desi lesbian makes me see things with a very weird perspective. On one hand I’m living out of the closet where all my friends and coworkers know me for who I am. On the other, I’m just an over-age-and-why-won’t-she-get-married-already desi girl living in Amreeka. The joy of living a double life just never goes away!

So tell me, why oh why, is it so difficult to meet desi lesbians? I just want to do some fraandship, I’m classier than this I promise. Well, maybe.


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