Archive for the tag Fucked Up

A Call To Straight Desis

While our rates of suicide, homelessness, depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, and assault are high we need straight desis to be aware and there for us. We need them to have it on their radar and to be speaking up for us. We need them to be brave too because we won’t always be strong enough.

The Nu(Q)ear Family

I find it funny how the conservative desis in my community look down on those that get pregnant by accident, get married too young, or elope. It was especially entertaining keeping my partner's "illegitimate child" a secret for three years for the sake of these desis. These conservative desis also look down on us gaysis, but on the other hand, we often don’t have the option of having children “by accident” or getting married “on a whim”.

Ruined By Kuch Kuch Hota Hai!

I recently read that in yet another act of self-referencing, Break ke Baad refers to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (KKHH) as a movie that played an important role in the romance of the lead characters. Incidentally, that same day, KKHH was playing on one of the Hindi movie channels. I happened to catch the first one hour of the movie and was incredibly depressed by it.

Sabrina

As someone who followed the Jessica Lal case very closely, watching almost similar turn of events unfold on the celluloid screen in the film No One Killed Jessica was quite emotional. Well so it ended up being. Now mind you, it was a film I knew I would like even before the reviews were up or the film was released.

Coming Out : Version 3.0

My younger brother was out to a holiday party, and my parents asked me to come sit with them. I was assuming they wanted to watch an old Malayalam movie with me or something, but in retrospect that would have been the less torturous option. Instead, my parents wanted to discuss my “lesbian tendencies”. I’m beginning to think my dad should copyright the phrase “lesbian tendencies” for usage by future homophobes/jerks.

Dirty Desi, Grungie Gaysi

Nervously, I rubbed the baking soda and water mixture into my scalp and rinsed it out with diluted lemon juice. I was surprised that the kitchen supplies actually cleaned my hair. After getting dressed I rinsed my face with the rose and honey face wash I had made the night before. I was so proud of myself, but very amused by the whole routine.

When Unconscious

How do you know

What is really happening

When you’re unconscious?

How do you trust,

Really trust, those around you?

If you are left pregnant

And you hadn’t had sex,…

Cure For Just Rs.2100!

Dr.Dilbag's clinic has a team of "qualified" and "professional" Ayurvedic and Homeopathic doctors, who can cure homosexuality and other sexual problems. They have branches in Delhi and Amritsar (Gaysis from Delhi, please see what these guys are upto). Unfortunately doctors like Dilbag are not a rarity. Unethical medical practices, including conversion therapies, are prescribed and administered by several qualified doctors across India. These doctors let their personal belief systems and judgments get in their way of offering proper medical advice, and claim a person's sexual orientation can be changed.

Let’s Go Thumpa Thumpa Baby

As soon as we walked in we were surrounded by a world of some beautiful and some not so beautiful men (euphemism for ugly). They were there in all shapes, colors and sizes. And it was undoubtedly a celebration of physical perfection. You had to preen, pout, parade and of course pray that you were not missed by the hunk you were gazing at while sipping on some terrible house wine. Thankfully for me, after being offered BJs from complete strangers (which statistically can be broken down to 15% flattering and 85% grossing out at the same time) and being ass pinched for the 70th time (bum still raw and healing after that night of pinching- nope you perv. nothing else happened!), I met an old acquaintance, lets call him Hardy Boy.

A Stonewall Of My Own

By letting you know I am Queer, I brought you into my closeted world – where the rules of society are stifling and empathy runs rampant. It is hardly a terrible place, the people in it make the best of it – they live and love when the whole world points and stares and decides for them otherwise. I knew how hard it would be for you. I knew I would be responsible for everything you went through hearing of my sexuality.

Coming Out : Version 2.0

I first came out to my parents about a year and a half ago. I hadn't been in college for a full year yet, but I was already tired of keeping secrets. It went over like a lead balloon, and my parents were both upset and disbelieving - they considered it a phase. We barely mentioned it again, and eventually, I became aware that I would need to come out....again. However, I didn't plan to do it anytime soon - I fully intended to wait until I was done with school. Life had other plans....

The Demure Women of the Puranas

There is an interesting observation I notice in all these puranas. Let's take the example of Panchali's earlier life. The sage is uhm insatiable and he makes love to her in many "different" ways. What exactly does "different" mean here? I let my mind wander and see that what is probably considered as an unacceptable act, or viewed as a perversion by the society need not be deviant in the first place, or may be I am reading too much into the word. Even to the dhoti clad pundits eh.

Same Old

Most days nothing much happens. When something does, it seems to involve clusters of ‘intellectuals’ engaged in…intellectualling? And sometimes they go on these spiralling loops where the same things keep coming back again and again, as if it were a rehearsal (for me not for them, cause they are new people each time) in which the same old argument reaches the same old conclusion.

Self-Hate : Part 2

As I have been juggling 5 different medications for my epilepsy I have been lifeless, friendless, and loveless. As I have stopped eating I have lost weight and I have been secretly excited about it. Who is this that is excited about being skinny again? I thought I was that fat-positive queer, feminist. Where has she gone?

An Outrageous Case of Homophobia!

Titled "Anbudan Andharangam", Dinamalar's weekly column claims to offers advice to readers on personal and intimate issues. Last Sunday, a young closeted gay man wrote a letter asking for help. He is very sure about his sexuality. His family is trying to arrange his marriage. He doesn't want to get married, but at the same time he is scared of coming out to them.

The Ostrich Syndrome

There are times when I wish I could just cut off ties and be 'free'. I know that this is impossible because I love them too much. Then I have conversations in my head where I confront them and tell them how mean and hurtful they're being. 'Am I a drug dealer? Am I a prostitute? Am I a bum without a job or a future?', I demand, in these imaginary confrontations. 'Where is the unconditional love that a parent is meant to give their child?', I follow up. All in my head.

A Lovely Mummy

I have noticed that straight desi girls and ladies, sometimes the ones who haven’t been through trials, often have weak relationships with their mothers or “just-for-show” relationships with their mothers. These friends often seem jealous of the fact that I am close to my mother. What they do not realize is that it took my mother a long time to come to understand me, her youngest daughter. It was a rickety journey after which she became my lovely little mummy.