Appearance has become such a big part of queer existence and identity for women. Fitting certain check marks on the list of common attire and appearance often helps queer women find each other in the sea of unavailable heterosexuals. The main aspect of appearance I want to talk about is gaysi women’s hair, because I love hair and its complexities fascinate me.
I did cut my hair short when I first came out, and I cut it short again many times after that probably as a way of holding onto the edgy subversive-ness I was constantly striving for. I didn’t want to look like just any other desi girl. There were conflicting layers to my relationship with hair at this time though. I started refusing to shave my armpits and legs because I felt (and still feel) spiritually, personally, and politically that my hair isn’t meant to be cut or removed. All the while I was still adamantly keeping the hair on my head short.
Well, I think I have finally broken my cycle of cutting the hair on my head. I will gladly appreciate other queer women’s short haircuts, but I’m hoping I’ve kicked my hairy hypocrisies. Every now and then I get the urge to cut my hair short, because I miss being able to identify with queer women so visually, and ooh the edginess! …but then I remind myself of what is important to me. I don’t know any Sikh queer women (who keep kesh), but I suppose it would be a similar situation. As a queer brown woman I have realized that I can’t expect the queer “beauty” standards created by white queer people to dictate how I relate to my body and my hair. Queerness obviously existed in India before it was marketed and sold in a package, delivered by the same people who colonized that country. When I contemplate my hair, which is queer by default because I am, I will consider my religion and my culture.
At first glance my “hair rules” may seem like stubbornness. It’s not like I wrap myself in bright orange cloth with jata on my head so it’s not obvious that I would have any strong religious leanings.* And my hair is “straight” just like most white people so it seems like it wouldn’t need special attention. Aside from stubbornness, my complex hair process in the shower, the honey, the lemon juice, the baking soda, often comes across as unnecessary hippie extravagances. However, there is nothing hippie or unnecessary about a spiritual desire and need to be kind to one’s blessed hair. I am eager to make space for my stubborn coconut oil and refusal to flatiron my hair, and I am eager to feel that I am no less queer because of these alternative and tricky hair rules.
Religious or non-religious, how have all of you been affected by the queer hairstyle trend? Visually I can see that some queer desi women have decided to cut their short and some haven’t. Sometimes they may feel that they have no complicated relationship with their hair and no complex reason for doing their hair the way they do… BUT, I love hair so I want to hear your stories if you have them!
*Just to be clear, I’m not poking fun at sadhus and sadhvis, just acknowledging that I am not one.
I cut my hair purely because I couldn’t be bothered to keep it long in the heat of bombay.
Thats what i am talking about girl! What is it with realizing you are gay and you go from being keira knightley on one day to Pink the next! By no means am i saying that Pink is unattractive, i would drool all over her if i could, but for her voice and not for her hair. My annoyance at constantly seeing women with spiked and gelled hair turns me into a house of pity and sometimes, you can see the nerves near my ear clenching. And in the white world, there is a sea full of those. Euch.
Had I not been living in stiflingly humid, every-day-here-is-a-bad-hair-day Bombay, I’d have probably kept it long. But I keep it pixie short simply ‘cuz it’s easier to maintain and it helps me stay alive in summer.
And I hate it if anyone calls it a dyke/butch haircut. I’m just a woman with short hair. Being queer has got nothing to do with it.
i’ll be honest, i totally chopped my hair for the queer factor. but i feel like that was the right decision for me. i found that it fit me better, and it was so much more fun to have hair that i identified with. i’d contemplate growing it long again if i ever felt so inclined, but i love having short hair. i don’t feel like i’m conforming to beauty standards, queer or not – i feel like i’m trying out a hairstyle, and so far, i love it.
that said, it’s pretty frustrating being labeled a “sell-out” by other femmes/queers who think my hairstyle is “conformist” to queer standards. being visibly queer is nice sometimes, but it wasn’t the main reason that i cut my hair. i feel like it’s pretty telling that i chopped my hair and actually started getting more attention from both women AND men, because people were just attracted to the fact that i was confident in how i looked
Yeah I use to feel pretty self-conscious about having short hair because I felt stereotypical and probably didn’t want people to think I was giving into beauty standards. Personally I was, but I’ve heard MANY of the above arguments.
All arguments aside, I can love short hair on other women.
I really want to get a pixie cut, but don’t do it because I think it’ll make me look chubby and fat. Someday when I’m super skinny, I’ll do it.