Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4
There are no laws of love in the world.
The only law of the world should be love.
Do you know who Alfred Kinsey is? In the initial days of trying to articulate my sexuality, I read a book called ‘The world of homosexuals’ by Shakuntala Devi, the human computer. I’m sure you’ve heard of her biopic starring Vidya Balan, right?
Her esteemed IAS officer husband came out to her, they divorced respectfully, after which she traveled the world researching on homosexuality. It is in her book that she mentions about Alfred Kinsey, the father of sexual revolution and his discovery of the Kinsey Scale. A scale created to demonstrate that sexuality is not binary, it’s a spectrum, 0 being exclusively heterosexual and 6 being exclusively homosexual. He even mentions an X factor for people with no sexual contact.
This was in 1948. We’re in 2024 and most of the world still makes a conscious choice to stay ignorant of our lives. For example, this morning Adarsh, Alex, our lawyer Syeda, and all our friends from the community turned up at the high court of Kerala to claim our rights. Nothing dramatic ever happens in the court like in the movies. Syeda put her best foot forward quoting articles, evidence, witnesses, even anecdotes, stating her strongest arguments but the court declared that the constitution does not legally recognise a gay relationship. Marriage was a personal affair between a man and a woman. The family had accepted to take the body, and the least the court could do was “allow” my husband to attend the funeral.
What was a marriage?
What was a marriage if it was not two people who washed vessels in the kitchen in comfortable silence? Was it not cutting fruits early in the morning and understanding the exact amount of sugar that goes in their lemon tea? The detailed discussion of curtains matching with the bed sheets and how many plants would not be too many plants. Listening intently as they rant about their boss being unreasonable. Understanding the unsaid rules of who drives today, who does the laundry tomorrow, and what series should we binge-watch. Saying nothing in times of despair, except “do you want something to eat?”, “I’ll feed you today.” Pushing each other to go the extra mile in the yoga classes they signed up for. Watching each other across the room, amidst the chaos and knowing exactly when you want to leave. Trimming the other’s beard in inches of difference only you can notice. Sending flowers to work at random hours and making them awkward. Writing heartfelt love letters about certain aspects you’re shy to say out aloud.
What was a marriage if it was not two people who knew where they liked to be touched? What was a marriage if it was not two people who carried each other’s generational trauma and healed it? What was a marriage if it was not two people in love that set you free, that only a handful cross paths with?
What was a marriage if it was not me and him?
If Ambedkar was alive, he would be the first to have burnt the constitution he drafted with great attention to detail. There are no laws of love in the world. The only law of the world should be love.
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