Continued from Being Trans: Parte Dos!
I see myself as a very different person now – only better! I realised all the anger and prejudice I had in myself, was an escape mechanism for my own fears. One positive outcome of this is I know for sure I won’t have a mid life crisis:) I can never think in my life that I did not achieve anything. That would be such a big FAT lie.
I am out to my closest group of friends, a close colleague at work, my neighbors, my landlord, my sister, my waxing lady, my salonist, … . I am working towards coming out to my parents. I try to present myself as a woman as much as I can outside my work. I just started my physical transition and am on hormones now to correct the imperfections and the havoc played by the dreaded “T”. It almost feels like a second puberty, only better and with a lot of excitement this time. Beyond the physical changes, the very fact that I am doing something about my life has left me with a distinct calmness I have never felt. Life seems so relaxed and enjoyable now. I totally love my life. I do!
I love the sun rays that sneak through the blinds to wake me up every morning. I love the cup of coffee while standing in the balcony in my PJ’s unmindful of the cold outside . I love looking at the full moon that stays atop the 3 palm trees from my kitchen. Life just feels so romantic and lively. My relationships with my close friends are very open and honest now. I am not sure if they feel that but I sure do see the difference. There is no need for me to be someone else.
I am not too worried about my sexuality now. But I do feel the need to cuddle up and be with someone at times. Like all good things that has happened I am quite positive it will happen again and in no hurry. I have decided to live the moment rather than being anxious looking for the One. Remember, Gender identity is very different from Sexual identity. It is about who you are and not whom you are attracted to. And don’t call that sexuality, grrrr! That said, like everyone else, trans folks can be bi, gay, straight or asexual. We are a distinct part of the LGBT – the “T”…I feel being queer should not be limited to LGBT alone. It should include all individuals who are out there to fight against the established norms, practices, conventions and stereotypes. I would just prefer calling ourselves the Queer community.
This is just my story but every individual is different and each of us have had very unique experiences affected by a variety of factors. I cannot speak for anyone but myself and not all trans folks are like me. Over the last couple years, my therapist, my friends and all the bloggers & blogger friends out there have helped me reshape and find the meaning to my life. I have gained strength from such diverse individuals – gay, bi, cis, straight, kinky, whatever you want to all them. Knowing that there have been people who have fought the wars and made it successful in life is empowering. Growing up, I hardly had any access to such information. There are so many people out there who are shut out for whatever reasons but magically find themselves only a click away from the internet. I just hope this post of mine would help atleast one of them. I really wish it does!
Last word to anyone out there in the closet:
“Society is a big mess and everyone is FUCKED UP. Most of them continue to hide their skeletons, don’t talk about it or want to deal with it or just live the mundane life they have been told to live. So do yourself a favor by being true to yourself and be what you are and do what you want to do.”
I am what I am! I am proud of myself and I am here to stay!!
