TW: Mention of various sexual acts, kinks, and need to set boundaries

Bottoming. The word alone can conjure up a range of emotions – excitement, anticipation, maybe even a little dread. For many, the act itself is deeply pleasurable and fulfilling. But let’s be honest, the prep work? That’s an entirely different story altogether. The showers, trimming, shaving, and meticulous lube application can feel like a never ending checklist before you even get to the good stuff.

I’ll delve into why so many people enjoy it—despite the often-daunting prep work—and offer some practical tips to make the prep work less daunting and more enjoyable. Let’s face it, even the most dedicated bottoms deserve to enjoy the journey as much as the destination.

To begin with some basic info, there are four commonly recognized roles people may take on during the act — Top, Versatile, Bottom, and Side. These aren’t rigid categories; rather, they’re fluid positions that many explore based on comfort, dynamics between partners, and desire. Some folks may prefer one role more often, and that’s totally valid — but preferences can shift and evolve, too. Having said that, I am going to explain what these positions mean:

Top: Refers to someone who prefers the insertive role during anal sex or other penetrative acts.

Bottom: Refers to the individual who prefers the receptive role during anal or penetrative sex.

Versatile (or Vers): As the name suggests, these folx are comfortable and enjoy both the penetrative and receptive roles during anal or other kinds of penetrative sex.

Side: May not enjoy anal or penetrative sex, or have preferences outside of traditional ideas of sexual intimacy. For example, they may prefer to kiss, hug, engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation, and rubbing up and down on each other.

Also read: Will Coronavirus Change the Top or Bottom Mindset of Indian Gay Men?

Personally, I started out as a top, but then something in me shifted. I began experimenting with other positions—versatile top, versatile, and side. I also really wanted to try bottoming, so I gave it a shot, even though I was scared—it’s not the most comfortable position at first. Thankfully, I had some friends who guided me, and of course, the internet helped too. But no matter how much you read or hear about it, the real experience is always different from just the idea of it.

Many people choose to fast before anal sex, but it’s not absolutely necessary. One common concern is the possibility of making a mess—and that’s valid. It’s important to accept that it can happen, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of. That said, if it’s something you’re worried about, eating light—like non-spicy, easily digestible food—or sticking to a mostly liquid diet beforehand can help.

You can also try anal douching, which is the practice of flushing the rectum with water or other liquids. It helps me feel more comfortable during anal sex as it helps me relax so that there will be no mess.

Using protection like condoms, and lubricants are very necessary during the act, as they help you stay safe from spreading or contracting STIs, while making the whole process smoother. Never use spit or saliva during anal sex, as it is rather unhelpful and will just make the whole process painful for both parties. Treat these as essentials and carry them with you, because not everyone may have them readily available. These days, explicit videos on platforms like Twitter and OnlyFans often show actors engaging in unprotected sex. This may influence people to do the same, but one needs to know that those actors take lots of precautions and usually have access to better healthcare than most of us do.

Also read: The Gaysi Guide to Anal Pleasure

Another important thing is consent and communication. Always ask for consent and communicate what you like and what you don’t like during sex. Once, there was a person who wanted to hit me during the sex, but I told him NOPE. He understood that I was not comfortable with this, and respected my boundaries in terms of roughness. I also asked what he would like me to do during the act. He told me what he likes and I was comfortable with doing it. We both enjoyed it, we both listened to each other and that is what consent and communication is all about!

One of the most captivating aspects of bottoming for me is to be submissive, and this can be deeply empowering, fostering a sense of trust and vulnerability that can deepen intimacy with your partner! And another aspect I really like about bottoming is the physical sensations of bottoming which can be incredibly intense and pleasurable. Sometimes I also like to take control and be a power bottom! In short, there’s no one way to bottom, and they’re all valid as long as you’re comfortable with it.

Something that’s really helped me is shifting my mindset—rather than dreading the process, I try to turn it into a relaxing ritual. Light some candles, play soothing music, and enjoy a warm bath. It makes all the difference.

Here are some self-care practices that can be helpful after anal sex:

• Gentle cleaning: Wash around the anal area with mild, unscented soap and warm water. Avoid harsh soaps or scrubbing as they can irritate the sensitive skin.
• Hydration: Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated and help flush out any germs.
• Rest: Take some time to rest and relax. A warm bath or shower afterwards can be soothing.
• Pain relief: If you experience any discomfort or soreness, over-the-counter pain relievers like ibuprofen or acetaminophen can help. If it persists, it’s best to consult a trusted healthcare provider.
• Listen to your body: If you experience any unusual symptoms, such as bleeding, discharge, or fever, consult a healthcare provider.

Remember, everyone’s body is different, and what works for one person may not work for another. Experiment with different self-care practices to find what feels best for you. Whether it’s finding your role, prepping your body, or setting the mood—take your time and make it your own. A little care and curiosity go a long way.