Advertisements for everything from cars to perfume revolve around the concept of making yourself more romantically and/or sexually appealing. Countless films, TV shows, and books perpetuate the notion that life’s end-all goal is a romantic relationship with marriage and kids. And the thing is, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that type of happily ever after. The problem arises when that’s the only sort of happily ever after to which people are exposed, particularly children and teenagers.
An aromantic person might also consider themselves to be asexual. The former refers to feeling little or no romantic attraction, whereas the latter refers to feeling little or no sexual attraction. The definitions are more nuanced than that and can vary between individuals, but that’s the basic idea.
What does a happy ending look like for an aromantic person? It might mean being in a relationship that’s more about friendship and/or sex than romance. It might mean not being in a relationship at all. Perhaps it’s being content to focus on school, or a job, or family. But from Charlie Weasley to Katniss Everdeen, it’s safe to say we currently have far more ambiguity than we do specificity.
The prominence and popularity of LGBTQ+ fiction has been steadily rising for a number of years, with best-selling books such as Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda spreading across the globe and even being adapted for the big screen. These novels tell important stories and give people in the LGBTQ+ community the chance to see themselves reflected in the pages of a book. And yet, there are still many underrepresented identities being overlooked.
This appears to be true for aromantic people. Whilst tales of friendship and family are explored, these narratives tend to be sidelined when a protagonist finds a romantic partner. Whether they enter into a casual relationship or bump into their one true love, it is usually the romance plot which takes precedence over everything else.
The prioritization of romantic relationships comes at the cost of friendships, care networks and other intimate associations. It relegates them to cultural invisibility or second best, often leaving few profound relationships outside the immediate family sufficiently maintained. The expectation of marriage carries a social a social stigma that, for single people and those in unconventional relationships, can lead to being casually treated with suspicion, housing and child custody discrimination, alienation from family and community, and much more.
These assumptions imposed on society are consistently reflected in the narratives within books. It is common for story plots or character development to involve the formation or confirmation of romantic and sexual relationships, to the point where such relationships in fiction are more an inevitability than a possibility. It becomes an inherent part of becoming a complete person and finding a happy ending.
Where is the place for aromantic narrative in such an atmosphere? Aromantic people are expected to live on with headcanons. Even canon important aromantic characters like Jughead are given heteroromantic identity in adaptations. Describing aromantic fictional characters to people is often like coming out again and again.
Murderbot Diaries fall into a well known stereotype of making a robot aromantic. It is proper representation but many aromantic people may find it dehumanizing as it’s same old stereotype that aromanticism belongs to robots and aliens and the Other. In another book Kaikeyi, author provides aromantic identity to main character whose revolutionizing perspective brings a change to commonly known Ramayan but it’s of no help that the character originally is considered culprit for Ram’s, who is protagonist of the epic Ramayan, misery, dethroning, and adventures. One way to ensure that villain is evil is to deprive him of love while pairing up other characters. One of the most popular book Harry Potter falls into that category where the antagonist Voldemort doesn’t understand thr concept of love.
Another fantasy book An Accident of Stars provide us with a universe where women and non binary people are at the centre of the narrative as they walk between different fantasy portals and are known as world walkers. Gwen is a one of the world walkers, an older woman with a son and two partners, and she is steady, cunning, and caring. While the depiction of aromanticism is not central to the story, it is clearly established as a vital part of Gwen. Plus, it’s rare to find older aromantic women, let alone ones who are polymorous and allosexual, so An Accident of Stars fills a unique part of the aromantic representation currently available. However, things take a disappointing shift for Gwen in A Tyranny of Queens as she is pushed aside for other alloromantic characters to not only become focus but blossoming romance becomes a sign of peaceful times that are about to come.
Seven Ways We Lie mixes up aromanticism with autism and never provides any helpful labels despite terminology being important part of the book, specifically for another character who keep insisting he is pansexual. Straight people once again steal the stage while queer characters are left with bread crumbs, hardly getting their own chapters. The book also had a problematic concept that it’s okay to out people in certain circumstances. As for Valentine, the aromantic asexual character with autistism, was an opportunity for intersectionality of identities. Instead we get no balanced representation nor further explanation. As someone who is autistic and aromantic, my heart breaks for the wasted potential. But maybe we can cut the author some slack as she was 17 when she wrote us an aromantic asexual character who is not afraid to admit he doesn’t get crushes.
It’s easy for straight fans to be frustrated at a love triangle that began with friendship on all the sides in Nice to Meet You webtoon. Meanwhile the comic may appear straight, its queer reality lies in demiromantic journey of Wyn, a love interest. While the term demiromantic is not used, it’s clearly explained through Wyn’s dialogues who questions what a crush feels like. Wyn’s journey begins with befriending his best friend’s crush only to fall for her later as being demiromantic requires strong emotional bonds to feel romantic attraction. The story is a well defined exploration of sexuality who are looking for more than straight characters.
Apart from a few titles there are no aromantic books at all. One such middle grade novel is Rick, sequel to Melissa, that shows your experiences of being aromantic once you hit puberty is valid and there’s no age bar.
In Summer Bird Blue, Rumi deals with grief and anger of losing her sister to demise. That remains main focal point but there’s exploration of bonds, specifically temporary ones, we make and what it means to not experience romantic attraction. The two narratives are interwoven through lush prose.
There’s nothing more relatable than Georgia in Loveless choosing a random person to have a crush on only for it click thay she has never romantically been into anyone. The insecurities she deal with once her plans are out of window outstanding as she creates a mess of relationships that are important to her in an attempt to force romance. In an attempt to win back her best friend after a huge fight in which Georgia accepts her new found identity as aromantic, they end up going their separate ways. All hope seems lost until Georgia decides to serenade her friend whilst punting along the river, a move seemingly plucked out of a cheesy chick flick. With the rest of her friends playing musical instruments behind her, she sings her heart out and professes her undying love to her dear friend.
Recently, Dear Wendy marks a dramatic remarkable change in presenting aromantic people. Story is set in an academia settings where two aromantic asexual people Sophie and Jo get into an online feud as they both provide friendship and relationship advice. Students’ reaction after learning their sexuality represents issue of stereotype. Reading the way Sophie and Jo bonded beyond their Instagram profiles reminded me of how I found an aromantic friend in the first asexual meet I went to.
Take Me to Your Nerdy Leader appeared bland to me. Every reader would have different opinion on it. However, nothing changes that it’s an important addition to queer literature since it depicts aromantic bisexual character instead of an aromantic asexual ones. Some people, both within and outside LGBTQ+ community can’t imagine existence of aromantic people who are not asexual. It depicts an anime club, deep but simple friendships, queer exploration, and fulfillment in a friends with benefits relationship. Its sequel Sincerely, Confusedly, Yours goes further on the concept of queerplatonic relationship. Queerplatonic relationship is a challenge to the idea that relationships can only be platonic and romantic. In simple terms, a queerplatonic relationship includes no romance but is not supposed to be confused with friendships. A great example of queerplatonic relationships is just at our hands- a friends with benefits one.
When dealt the same blow of erasure over and over again, my need to protest withers. But it would lovely to see myself and other aromantic people with various experiences represented.
