Do I deserve an award for losing my eyesight and brain cells over being a chronically online and a chronically queer person? Considering it has landed me my job and helped me in getting a master’s degree in mass communication, I’d think so, yes. Let’s take a look at some of the awards I definitely and desperately deserve:
1) Best Investigative Reporting of Queer Culture through Memes: Have you ever tried explaining coconuts, contexts, Kamala Harris and its intersection with the gay twitter side thanks to Charli XCX and Chappell Roan to a person whose fyp is IPL, Imagine Dragons and cars? I have. And at this point, I need to monetize this and make this into an internet scammy course or something.
2) Critics Choice for YOLO aka You Only Live Online: One of the most prestigious awards for having more online oomfs because finding queer people offline is as good as my mother acknowledging my need for therapy.
3) Outstanding Brain Rot Telepathy Teamwork: For having full blown conversations with other equally chronically online queer folks where I just namedrop a reference and the entire context is telepathically transferred in their brains.
4) Successful/ Most Promising Career in Shitposting Career: An award for carving out a full blown career in digital media which involves trends (read: social media manager/ copywriter/ digital strategist) bonus: I werk at a very gay werkplace!
While having unrestricted access to internet had a long-lasting damaging effect on my prepubescent brain (looking at Colleen Hoover’s pirated epubs and shock humor memes labeled as dank and edgy), I ended up enjoying the way media presented information including memes, which followed me in my academics. In fact my third year thesis was on meme marketing strategy using Goffman’s theory of dramaturgy. I wish I was making this up. All of which helped me in getting my first internship and my current job too (kind of)!
5) Successfully Self Intellectualizing On The Internet: I might not have the right words to describe my issues to my therapist but I always have the right memes, bite sized Instagram infographics and algorithm to explain the soul crushing feeling that I had as an 8 year old when I realized the performance I had to play out as a woman. Otherwise, doomscrolling tumblr fanart of Troy and Abed from Community also helps!
6) Mediocrely making things medal: Yes, my screen time is 5 hours on average on Instagram, and yes, I have 10 different saved folders filled with reels I want to recreate. How to layer skirts, hidden gems in Jaipur, 5 movies that feel like Fleabag, photoshop hacks professionals don’t tell you and what not, I have saved it all and yet, I either forget about them. I hoard all this knowledge, appreciate it or critique but never seem to get around making something out of it. It almost feels like analyzing an abstract artwork: I could do this too, but I didn’t and the artist did and that’s why I am at this end of the gallery.
7) Lifetime Achievement Award for not touching grass: Please don’t make me explain this award, it’s already embarrassing to admit it as is.
