Being the youngest child in my family, I grew up feeling pampered the most. Throughout my life, I carried this kid-like approach to things that affected my personal life and decisions. When I got married to my current partner, it was a new journey to begin sharing my world with her. She had never heard of the vocabulary used in the context of expressing diverse genders and sexuality, while I have been outspoken about navigating gender politics and stringent gender structures in everyday life – as everyday as seeing a crow in India. Being open about my bisexuality and trans-ness helped me be vulnerable with my partner who understands and acknowledges the hassle I sweep in. The one place where I live the reality of my trans euphoria and gender politics is when I drag and present my alter ego SAS out in public. And it is where I often see my partner in the audience cheering and supporting me as any lover would do.

Also read: Meeting S.A.S.: Metamorphic Reality

We have been married for just 2 years, but our bond has coexisted seamlessly despite us having different belief systems, thinking processes, and boundaries. It has been our togetherness that has helped my artistry and self-awareness flourish to new heights. But all of this was not easy for me. When one must seek permission as to whether I could marry a man/woman from the judiciary of this country, a straight-passing queer marriage may be easy to execute but hard to present as expressive and true. When I told the world that I am a trans, bi drag artist marrying a cis woman, my queer community treated me exactly as a cis family would treat their queer kids, only opening its doors when my partner stood by me and rooted for my queerness.

During the first 2 years of our marriage, we mostly spent time together traveling, roaming across cities, and attending drag shows and events. Raji and I soon became the IT couple of the town, and began to think about how life would pan out with each step we were taking, As a person with PCOD, Raji and I decided to not plan for a baby but see where life took us. A bigger question that I was trying to grapple with was to be a parent at all, a queer parent! This was a tough call for me. As an out and proud queer, I was skeptical about getting a part of me to face this brutal world where being queer has been difficult while parenting someone who may have to go through the same pain/harassment unless the world becomes a better place. I would speak about the idea of parenthood with my queer friends and acquaintances, who would understand my fear but also feel hopeless. For many, it is merely a dream to think of having kids, only a few lucky people could think of making it happen.

Also read: Navigating Straight-Passing Relationships

While all these questions were still rumbling within me, Raji told me that one thing that would change our view on life was that we were going to be pregnant. For the initial days and times, I was still merely thinking about how we as a couple could navigate the process. I did not know where and how to start, as no one I knew in the country had been a drag queen and a biological parent.. However, it was important for me to seek narratives of queer parents to understand their journey. I would often read about how modern family systems were working in countries outside of India, especially the West. Personally, I was grappling with the idea of how I was presenting my body as a work of art as a drag artist, and how I would then need to come back home to a family and even raise a kid.

This was the same time when the world started seeing drag as an unsafe artform for kids. With right-wing politics calling for a complete ban on drag queen story hours and labelling drag artists as groomers, these attacks were affecting me mentally and emotionally enough to consider quitting drag entirely for parenthood. I thought these ideologies would not affect me directly in the country I live in. However, to navigate raising my child as a parent who is publicly a drag artist in a society based on these notions felt very scary.

Also read: Queer Parenting in a Crumbling World

It was both a political and a personal stance to be a father (I choose this binary-driven word) and continue pursuing my drag art at the same time. A child would never see or judge their parent for what they wear or express but would always respond with the love they’ve been raised with. As a queer person I deserve all the love that others may be experiencing as well. It took me time to own that and welcome my newborn with open arms and not give up drag, because if the 2 realities did not coexist for me today, I would be obliged to give away my power and freedom for the sake of a narrow viewpoint pushed by right-wing politics.

Being both a drag queen and a parent at this point is a testament to owning up to the art form that is drag. As a parent and a drag artist, I understand how an art form is cherished as a form of self-expression as well as a way to teach love, empathy and build community from a young age; this is a power that people would distract you from seeking.  My existence is proof that stands against all the negative narratives about drag. If you cannot raise your child with the freedom to choose, I want to use this opportunity to prove all of the naysayers wrong and make them take notes on how to parent a kid in an open, inclusive, and empathetic way. Now this journey is not easy and I am still not prepared to face the full reality of how to raise them, give them support or teach them to stand up to the discrimination that they would face because of my queerness (or their own), but one thing we are aware that we want to raise our kid is what we wanted for ourselves as children. All we could do is teach them love, empathy, and joy.