I am not a psychologist or a relationship expert, but I am a lesbian, which means I have some experience and perspective on love bombing. Love bombing is a term that describes a pattern of overwhelming someone with excessive affection and attention to manipulate and control them. It often starts with intense romantic gestures and rapidly escalates, which can make the relationship feel exhilarating but ultimately unsustainable, almost like romance on Redbull.

If you ask me, the world of lesbians and love bombing go hand in hand like peanut butter and jelly, except with more drama. The stereotypes alone are evidence enough. Take the U-Haul lesbian, for example. I mean, isn’t that the perfect definition of love bombing? You meet someone for one date, and suddenly you’re picking out furniture and deciding whose Netflix account you’ll share. It’s efficiency at its finest—or maybe just a plot twist waiting to happen.

Don’t believe me? Let’s look at another classic: saying “I love you” after the first date. I’m pretty sure it’s scientifically impossible to know you love someone after just one date, but hey, why not give it a try? And then there’s talking about a shared future on the second date. It’s adorable and all, but you just met me—how can you know you want to raise a child with me already? Please don’t boycott me, fellow lesbians. I’m just as guilty of fulfilling these stereotypes as anyone else. Still, maybe we should take a closer look at our dating patterns.

I get it—when everyone around you says it’s okay to fall in love in a day and move in with someone in a week, you can’t help but think it’s romantic. After all, when there’s no man in the relationship, these things might seem reasonable, like crashing and burning was part of the plan all along. Or maybe I’m just an imperfect lesbian who’s now a little skeptical about the whole Fast and the Furious: Relationship Edition.

Being queer, for all the fantastic things it brings, can also be inherently lonely. We crave a partner who understands our unique loneliness, someone who can make us feel like it’s us against the world instead of just you. We don’t fit into the cis-het standards of dating, where marriage is usually the end goal, and it’s not even an option in many places. We make our own rules, which can be liberating but also a privilege only some queer folks have. 

Historically, lesbian relationships have been shaped by societal pressures and cultural dynamics. For decades, queer love had to be hidden, leading to an intense longing for connection and validation. This urgency can sometimes manifest in rapid relationship escalations, as there’s a shared understanding of loneliness and isolation.

And then there’s the fact that women are often more emotional creatures. We tend to feel things deeply and quickly. Those feelings aren’t always rational, and honestly, it’s not our fault. Women also have higher expectations of emotional intimacy, which isn’t a bad thing, but wanting that level of connection right off the bat can contribute to the crash-and-burn cycle in lesbian relationships. When intense emotional needs must be met at a young stage, you can’t help but see the world and your partner through rose-colored glasses. Believe me, I’ve been there. It’s like living in a romantic comedy directed by a caffeine-addicted teenager who just discovered Pinterest.

Your phone becomes a love shrine filled with memes, music, poems, and declarations of eternal devotion. All this attention can be flattering, but it’s important to remember that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding, not just the ability to send 100 text messages a minute (and not very consistently, I might add).

This whirlwind of emotions and instant connection can lead to disappointment when reality doesn’t match up to our fairytale expectations. As lesbians, we often bond quickly because we find comfort in each other’s shared experiences. But in doing so, we might forget that a solid relationship takes time to build.

So, what’s the takeaway? While love bombing might seem like a natural extension of our desire for connection, maybe it’s time to mix some rational thinking with those swirling emotions. Let’s laugh at the stereotypes but also learn from them. It’s not about avoiding those intense feelings; it’s about letting them develop naturally, ensuring our relationships have a foundation strong enough to weather any storm.

In the end, maybe the trick is finding that sweet spot between “I met you yesterday, but I’ve already booked our honeymoon” and “Maybe I’ll ask for your number next year.” So go ahead, enjoy the ride, laugh at the stereotypes, and cherish the moments that make your heart skip a beat. Who knows, maybe the U-Haul will come in handy someday—but keep it parked for now.