To The First Girl I Fell In Love With

Artwork by Divya Tak

the first girl I fell in love with told me
sunsets are meant for goodbye’s
that the dark lord has purple eyes
and sometimes witches have the prettiest smiles
the burdened carry fleshy hearts with ticking time bombs inside
wrapped across their intestines
are all things right
and words so wise
you wouldn’t see the dysphoria behind their eyes
kisses aren’t meant to be kind
but a way to touch your soul
a treasure map for you to find mine
and only can love rise
when we do not comply with the facts of the mind
the first girl I fell in love with had lost eyes,
a quivering smile and a mainland buried at sea so close to her heartbeat
each time she’d speak? i could feel unending stories complete

but you. you were so far at sea,
the devil and the deep blue would consistently sink
to the claims of their own facile degree
your father had a belt for your every nerve
pass 8 on the clock, and you were his hors d’oeuvre
all shades of brown; auburn, beaver, bistre
some nights you wondered if
you’d rather have pretty hair like your sister
or her boyfriend, the infatuating kisser
were you were just a chapter? a passe hipster
or was the world just a massive trigger?
the first time you walked the streets in that dress
you were what our society just wouldn’t address

the first girl i fell in love with had a shy smile, a just born style
and a profile of a life lived in black and white
see, for the rainbows in your pocket peeked out sometimes
sometimes, you got past your lie,
sometimes you donned my necklace
and ditched the tie
sometimes you felt pride
few times, you felt their remarks of deride
stronger than the scent of booze on your father most nights
stronger than my predilections, or what my hope sought to provide
so you sat me down, and told me, sunsets are meant for goodbyes
off the top of my head, i can’t decide
if you lead me up a garden path, in search for paradise
or had me as a means out of your built in genocide
see witches can have the prettiest smiles
but you, you had missiles stretched across your intestines

the first girl I fell in love with told me
she wasn’t hers, to be mine
her life, rooted in begrime was waiting for time
one Thursday,
i had met a man looking to fly past her own clime
and i had said to her,
listen your words are so wise
but you are blind behind your eyes
listen, we do not have to comply
with the facts of your mind
and you told me, i had a pretty smile

to the first girl i fell in love with
tell me, when vindicated of your own crimes
would you meet me sometime?

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