Putting your pronouns in your bio has become more or less a trend from what I see these days. It started off as being something that welcomes non-cis-normative gender labels, where putting your pronouns in your bio meant that you were unlearning transphobia (at least on the surface, since transphobia is more nuanced than merely respecting pronouns). Later on, it became a thing where people were forced to put in their pronouns or they would be perceived as a bad ally. Pronouns are words we use instead of proper nouns (or names) when we are addressing someone. She/her, he/him, they/them are some of the popular ones.

Language in all its glorious construct is so contrarian when wielded by different people for different agendas. Where words and labels are supposed to comfort and validate us, straight people still manage to make it about themselves, as if they just have to prove their allyship. And I’ve also seen a restriction where only certain pronouns are valid and not others. He/him, for example, is fine, as it’s conventional. He/they, well, at least people can pretend the “they” isn’t there. Xe/xim? Now that’s just made up, ain’t it? (Or at least that’s the general response!)

Pronouns have also become a new guilt-tripping tool in my opinion. Any woke straight person who messes up your pronouns will apologize to you as if they killed your cat, and make their guilt your burden to soothe. And then there are reasons about how “they’re really trying, they just need some time” and how “you need to be more patient with me” and “I’m not used to the pronouns you use”. Which I understand that you need some time to unravel the complexities of gender performance and the fabricated mess about sex and gender we are fed since birth, but honestly, just say that you’ll be more careful in the future and then show it, you know?

I have also seen pretentious English speakers giving the grammatical reason that ‘they’ is technically not a singular pronoun, which shows the hypocrisy of the person who doesn’t bother to correct their grammar in other situations. Even writing tools like Grammarly and others, which help highlight and correct grammatical errors while writing, are algorithmically programmed to only consider strict grammatical rules and not the social aspect of using “they” as a singular pronoun.

Pronouns are very important for a trans person while forming their identity. Misgendering and using the wrong pronouns can be very triggering and so the reason why pronouns are given so much importance is because it is an attempt to make a more comfortable and inclusive environment for trans people. It is a way of showing respect to someone’s personhood and understanding the world is more than just the binaries of man/woman and that we live in a very fluid world. But using pronouns as a reason to harass someone on the internet (whether for not putting their pronouns in their bios or not accepting unconventional ones), is in my opinion, not the hallmark of being a good ally.