Article 1, Article 2, Article 3, Article 4, Article 5
Over the past few weeks, I have learnt that a first date can be…a lot. Sometimes it can be a fun reminder of why you are choosing to be single. Other times it can be a happy and interesting event that won’t lead anywhere. And then there are those first dates that make you want to have a second, third, and fourth, immediately!
We met on a dating app and quickly realized that the ‘one train journey’ distance between our locations meant that it would take a bit of scheduling to meet up. In the meantime, we took to the phone to learn more about each other. Soon enough, our quick introduction calls turned into conversations that would last for hours. This meant that when I walked towards the Vagina Museum for our first date a few weeks later, I was not going to meet someone I did not know, but to see if our phone chemistry translated into in-person chemistry as well. But I mean, who am I kidding? I had a full-on crush on her at that point. My BestieTM had heard all about it at our sleepover earlier in the week. And then a thing happened that I had thought only happens in rom coms and Hindi songs – somehow, my crush was even more fun, interesting, and handsome in person! After an hour of chilling at the museum we ended up at my place to watch Red, White, and Royal Blue (I know the movie is cheesy, and we both LOVE cheese, so that was the point) and this is the story of how I really wanted to (and did) have sex on the first date.
It was absolutely amazing (like ‘DAMN!’ level amazing), and in this case it meant that we wanted to do it more. Unfortunately, train tickets are expensive and two people who work in different locations cannot rush into each other’s arms whenever they want to. So, we talked a lot over the next few days about what we would like to do the next time. That is when I mentioned how I had always wanted to try a strap-on. To be more specific, I had wanted to try it since I had seen Anne+ on Netflix, which, on a side note, I CANNOT recommend enough! She was into it too (yay!) and now it was time for the shopping to begin.
I offered to buy it on my own since we obviously did not have a label and were not exclusive yet (it had been one date, come on) but she said she would like to split it. And then we had an honest and open conversation about what we would do with it if we do not end up wanting to take this forward before/after the second date. One of the biphobic questions that our community often faces is ‘who is sex better with?’ and it is extremely, EXTREMELY annoying because the truth is that sex is better with whoever communicates more and whoever you end up having more chemistry with. This means not just communication during sex, but also before and after. The openness and understanding with which we both considered the possibilities – perhaps one of us could keep it and pay the other person their amount back? Perhaps we could see if there ends up being more than one purchase and come up with a division model based on that? Perhaps we could see which one of us wants it more in the end and take it from there?
Then there was the question of the actual shopping. We both had purple vibrators so at first, I was wondering if we should look for a dildo that is of a different colour. I started shortlisting some options and sending her pictures. She asked me in a confused and also kind of weirded-out tone, “Why does this have veins?”
“Dicks have veins”, I answered and then realized, “Wait, you have never seen a dick before, have you?”
She had not, and it was through looking up options that would work for my lesbian crush that I realised that there are non-phallic dildos on the market! ISN’T THAT AWESOME?! I love that there is an understanding that there are people who enjoy penetration (and the act of being on top of each other) without having to simulate a specific organ! My crush was happy with my discovery, and we both decided to opt for a fun colour (yes, it was a shade of purple!). We looked up sizes and decided on one that looked beginner friendly. Of course, she and I went for a combo because it was cheaper (though we did first do research to make sure that the material would be body-safe) and because we did not want to end up having to figure out whether the dildo and strap-on would fit in with one another. We also made sure to have a conversation about getting condoms and lube. The payment was made, the order was delivered, and that is how I ended up with a gorgeous lilac strap-on dildo in my room.
I sent her a picture as soon as I opened it – after all, we had bought it together. She loved how it looked, just like I had. And while it would be a few days before our next date, this was now another fun purple thing to potentially talk about while we waited!
