In the chaos of modern life, it’s easy to get lost in a sea of emotions, relationships, and societal expectations. We often find ourselves caught between the desire to be genuine and the need to present a perfect facade. The lingering question is if faking it is easier than feeling it. Is it convenient to put on a mask of happiness, love, and confidence, rather than embracing our true emotions and vulnerabilities?

As I reflected on my experiences as part of the Queer movement in Assam, I realized that everyone is racing towards a finish line in the expectation that there’s only one winner. But why do we prioritize winning over authenticity? Why do we fake our emotions, relationships, and identities just to avoid feeling hurt or rejected? The irony is that we often end up feeling more hurt and isolated when we fake it.

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My dear friend, a development sector worker, echoed this sentiment when she shared her thoughts on why people tend to fake it. She suggested that it might be due to psychological unawareness or a defense mechanism of sorts. I agreed that this could be true, but the question remains: Is faking easier than feeling?

We fake orgasms, love, lust, and friendships at the expense of not getting hurt, but still end up getting hurt. We preach about being vocal but hesitate to be genuine. Humans are incredible creatures, but we’ve mastered the art of faking it. We pretend to be interested in something or someone just to avoid rejection or discomfort. We even fake our job satisfaction, environmental concerns, and friendships.

However, some people are naturally more inclined to fake it because they feel secure and in control of their emotions. But for others, like me, faking it becomes obvious and transparent. It’s a game of perception. In this 21st century, hookup culture has normalized the art of faking it for some. Are men (including queer men) using this as a way to shape accountability or are they faking it because they don’t want to feel it? Are we too eager to settle for someone because we fear feeling hurt?

We’re wired to shape-shift on dating apps like Grindr, creating multiple personalities and identities. Is this faking or a natural extension of our multiple selves? My friend pointed out that we have more than 100 perceptions of a person, making reality subjective and contextual. So, what is reality? Is it one version or is it an averse decision to fake it and avoid feeling bad?

In this fast-paced world where everyone seems to be running (including me), I want to know what makes it easier to fake a smile, love, care, or gesture. Are we becoming the very thing we complain about – self-absorbed partners, abusers, systems, topics, realities, and myths? What stops us from feeling it? If not feeling hurt was the game, then why do people who fake it get hurt more than those who feel it?

My mother once said that she had to fake it to feel safe, but deep down she knew she wasn’t safe. Another friend shared that they used to fake it but got hurt anyway and couldn’t openly talk about it until they started feeling their true emotions.

It dawned on me that nobody was born with a manual on how and what to feel. The environment changed our reality. The system supported this delusion of faking it. Deep down, I still have one question: Do we fake it because we know we’re alone and it helps save relationships? If yes, why do we only try to save one kind of relationship and not all? Is faking also a matter of levels and gears – from 1 to 5?

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In a world that encourages people to be real, can faking save your image of being arrogant and uptight? I suppose yes.

The answer lies within each individual’s psyche. Perhaps the key is not in faking it but in embracing our authentic selves and vulnerabilities. Maybe the journey is not about winning or losing but about embracing the messiness of human emotions and relationships.

As I conclude this introspection, I realize that the quest for authenticity is ongoing. We must confront our fears and insecurities head-on and stop pretending to be someone we’re not. Only then can we break free from the chains of faking and find true connection with ourselves and others.