[Guest post by: The Bride]
I fantasize about men and women. But I’ve become wobbly about using the word bisexual.
It all goes back to my university days in Hyderabad again. Here, I met a significant number of openly gay people. It was rather fashionable to declare one’s alternate sexuality. So then a number of women started professing to being bisexual and wearing their girl-crushes on their sleeves.
However, this was greeted with scorn by the lesbian community in the university. They said that claiming to be bisexual was a convenient choice because as long as men were in the picture, you weren’t really taking on the special (unpleasant) reactions that society in general reserves for women that choose to not make men the centres of their existence. In fact, being bisexual sort of exoticised one, a matter of broader sexual horizons rather than deviance.
Anyway, that was the gist of it. So under the grim glares of the lesbian community in college, the word bisexual became taboo.
So, the first question is – what do the lesbians out there think? Is being bisexual a matter of sexual laziness and social convenience?
Second, a friend pointed out that mere fantasy does not a sexual orientation make. You have to actually do the deed to be one way or the other. I’m not sure about this either. Does only action have meaning?
Third, there is my belief that all women are bisexual to a greater or lesser degree. It’s not a question of orientation but of freeing one’s mind to other possibilities and if you let yourself, the sky’s the limit. So many women I’ve talked to have admitted to fantasizing about women so it’s only a matter on having the erm… balls to act on that. A few say they haven’t and I wonder if that’s because they haven’t let themselves.
Given that theory, the whole term bisexual seems pointless. And by extension in a perfect world so would the terms gay, lesbian, homosexual etc. We’re just people aren’t we?
righto. I so agree with you. No one has taken me seriously either. The argument is that when I ‘get it on’ with a woman is when they will finally believe that I’m bisexual. By that logic someone with no experience is asexual.
The thing is many gay people (myself included) use ‘bisexual’ as a safety blanket. When I first started to come out I called myself bisexual. If you read some of my earliest posts on broombox, you’ll notice that I probably never used the word ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’. ‘Bi’ was a nice safe comfortable word that I could use.
And because of my own experience, I don’t trust someone that says they’re ‘bi’ to be truly ‘bi’.
While I think there are bisexual people, I also think that most people who define themselves as bi are just taking the easy way out.
I feel that our knowledge of our sexuality is never complete. Therefore, it’s inappropriate to try to categorize ourselves as gay/het/bi.. whatever. If there HAS to be a category, “bi” is probably the best way to go.
I agree that everyone is, to an extent, bisexual – especially women. Whether every bit of that has been explored or not is immaterial. It’s very sad that lesbians say bisexuals take the “easy way out” – it definitely isn’t that way!
@janedoe Haha, asexual yeah. I had that discussion with a friend and that’s the term she used.
@broom The security blanket thing is exactly what they said and to some agree I see where they’re coming from. But I also think there must be genuine bisexuals out there. I guess those of us who are just fantasising don’t deserve any label.
@suki i agree. I was going to address that in this post but I feel that if you take away all labels then it might be problematic for homosexuals who are fighting against discrimination in their societies.
I can’t speak for females, but as a gay male, I tend to view the ‘bisexual’ label very suspiciously where men are concerned. Paradoxically, I don’t really distrust women who use it. Does that make me sexist?
[…] was a post on Gaysi a year ago, and the comments section attracted a bit of discussion about bisexuality- not […]
Bisexuality is becoming something of a trend among girls. A little experimentation is normal, it doesn’t mean you’re bi. My opinion, anyway.
I’ve been told to pick a side, I’ve been told I’m confused, I’ve been told it’s infidelity to either sex.
Truth is, I’m attracted to guys as well as girls. Almost equally. This may change, eventually I might just pick a side, but I doubt it, because I cannot just let go of the attractions I feel. I know for a fact that when it comes to emotions, I’m capable of loving and being in love with either sex. I’m straddling the fence and I like it there.
Suki has a point! Nobody has 100% awareness of their sexuality – when that happens – its probably nirvana!
Yes, women are fluid sexually. Also emotionally, they tend to form deeper, closer bonds with other women. So its hard to sometimes differentiate between straight women with a gay fantasy; mostly het women who tend to bond more intensely with other women in a largely platonic way and truly bisexual women.
Yes Broom is right. It can sometimes take a lifetime to become fully aware of your true sexuality. So it is quite common to identify as straight, bisexual & gay at various points of life, depending on where you are in the sexual awareness / acceptance continuum. I was straight, till I became bi! And now I just prefer the term Queer! That, atleast, will always be a constant. Sexuality is just too complex! 🙂
As a male, I don’t like hugging or kissing with men, but I do enjoy sucking them, and receiving anal sex. I love being with women. Being a senior citizen in a very rural area, I do find I have more encounters with men, than women.