Growing up as a gay Indian in the Middle East was often about staying inside the closet. Many times, I had to hide my true self, and essentially wear a mask.

I grew up in Kuwait, a small oil-rich country in the Middle East. Not many people know much about this country, and it’s not their fault. Kuwait isn’t that well-known, perhaps outside of the history of the Gulf War that happened in 1990. Otherwise, it’s a nice place… if you’re straight, that is. Growing up gay with Indian parents in a homophobic country was truly challenging.

I came to the realization about my sexuality when I was 14; it took me a year to accept myself. I was in love with a boy in my class for 3 years; he always ended up in my section somehow. My innocent self would buy him Starbucks whenever I could and spend all my pocket money on it. I thought it was just a silly crush, but I started developing feelings for him and eventually fell in love with him. It took a lot of time and healing for me to realize that he didn’t reciprocate those feelings. It broke me completely on the inside. For months, I cried and listened to sad songs to get over him. I had no one to talk to about this; I was all alone.

Also read: The Importance of Being Seen in Queer Heartbreak

The first person I came out to is this girl named Rebecca. I met her on Instagram and she was so accepting of me when I told her. I felt loved; I felt seen. I have lost touch with her since, but I want to thank her for accepting me the way I am. It truly meant a lot to this gay kid. When COVID hit and we were in lockdown, I slowly accepted myself for who I am. I watched a lot of gay/queer movies although I was still deeply in the closet. Soon after, I slowly began coming out to my close friends, and it went well. I came out to my dad last year, but he just couldn’t accept that I’m gay. I came out to my mother, and she told me she won’t talk to me if I bring up the fact that I’m gay again. It’s been a struggle.

It’s been a year since I moved to Mumbai from Kuwait for my college. I do still miss Kuwait, but that’s just life. At least here, I can be my true self without hiding any part of me.

P.S.: I would like to credit John Alex who helped me edit this article.