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Movies have often insisted that the most romantic moments in life occur when gazing into the eyes of ‘the one’ – but these last few months have taught me that being single does not have to be without romance. And I’m not even talking about romanticising all aspects of one’s own life – that is a given – I am specifically talking about forming core romantic memories when there is mutual attraction, but no pressure.

This is a lesson that I have been learning because dating as an adult is quite different from dating as a teen as I now have a lot more agency. Teenage dating was about sneaking around and trying not to get caught. Which meant that the stakes were so high that there already needed to be some inkling of emotions to take a risk to talk to or meet someone. Now, we can ask each other out on a date because there is interest and curiosity to see if there is potential – which makes me want to sigh in relief.

I have also quickly learnt that in the sapphic dating world having a 4-hour heart-to-heart conversation is the norm, not the outlier. Which means that just because there was strong chemistry and flirting does not mean that we will speak again. I am not talking about f*ckbois who string you along by staying in the ‘grey’ zone for months. I am specifically talking about initial no-strings-attached conversations where both parties are aware and in on the fact that there is no commitment yet, just curiosity about who the other person is.

Curiosity is an amazing zone to be in, as this is where you get to know people and yourself. Curiosity holds your hand, directing you away from infatuation-based attraction to information-based crushes. And these crushes are an amazing space for romance to blossom, even if that happens for a date or two.

Over the last few months, I have had swoon-worthy romantic moments on dates with interesting people. After matching and texting for a day or 3, I ask if they would like to jump on a phone call so that we can quickly go over the basics and see if we are on the same page about things and learn a bit more about each other. Once that is done, there is much less pressure on our dates which means that there is a lot more room for flirting and going into the deeper questions.

I always wanted to have a bookstore date and the first date that I went on through a dating app was just that! I had mentioned liking flowers and she was waiting outside the queer bookstore with a whole bouquet of them (damn!). She mentioned loving sunflowers in particular, so I was holding a huge stalk in my hand. We were already off to a good start, and it only got better as we got hot beverages and looked through the shelves of titles together. At some point, we found ourselves in the kids section and I asked her if she would like to read a poem together. This is something that I do with friends sometimes and it is really fun to see how each person reads their part. She was game and we went back and forth on reading an adorable poem from the children’s book. We spoke a lot, walked through nearby lanes, and ended up stumbling upon a candle-lit restaurant for lunch. It was the stuff of romantic dreams, and I am so glad we got to make that memory together – because romantic moments are not just about you getting to experience something, it is about the person that you end up doing it with as well.

Another thing that I always wanted to do was have a romantic kiss in front of the Tower Bridge. As someone who lived in that area for a year while in a long-distance relationship, I would often walk by adorable couples holding each other close and think ‘one day’. Yet when I was sitting and splitting a pizza on a Tower Bridge bench with a girl whom I had a crush on (and who I am pretty sure had a crush on me), I did not think that that moment would be ours. We were talking about everything under the sun and an emotional intimacy was building as we shared red wine. We saw some straight-looking couples come and have that moment, but I was not sure if we would be safe if we went for it. The truth is that just like with the bookstore date, it was not about ticking something off a list, it was having this magical moment with her specifically. So I shared this with her and after having a conversation about whether or not we both felt safe enough in that environment to try, we went for it. It was magical, and I loved every second of it.

To sum it up, I have had a Christmas market date and a museum date. I had a cocktail with a fun woman and walked through a gallery with a chill one. I have also laid in bed and listened to romantic retro songs with an adorable woman (who reintroduced me to ‘Kehna hai, Kehna Hai’ which now holds a place in my playlist). While experiencing all of these romantic moments, I was single- and yet, they were not any less special. Of course, in our case, the intention that my dates and I set is seeing if there is potential for whatever spark there is between us to go somewhere, but that does not mean that we can not enjoy where we are at, in that moment.